我.怀念的

2011-05-15T00:00:00.000+08:00

this space created since i was 16 till the age of 23.

i'm leaving, putting back all those tears and moments in my life.

important people who had been mentioned will always be remembered.

some of those.. grandma, ex.

they took up 21 years of my life, people who i will always love and miss deep inside this corner of my heart.

this is a space where only the hard truth exist.

nothing here is a lie, but a development of how i've grown in blogging through the many years with very much of emotions involved.

moving on for those who has been following me:-

www.paramorphosis.wordpress.com

goodbye.

2011-05-02T22:06:00.002+08:00

拍.卖

i would say this long weekend was great, to allow myself to 'get in touch' with my feelings. somehow, it has been left untouch for quite sometime. of course, with <<拍.卖>>

i know i'm slow. i didn't had time to watch. recently, my pace have managed to settle down (less parties, less entertainments, more homely hours) partly i'm still recovering from my cough; managing my busy schedules better.

finally, more time for me to chase a drama from 8pm till 5am the next morning (this doesnt always happen).

i've repeated it 3, 4 times.. till the weekend gonna come to an end. to keep feeling, and thinking about the many things in life. of course, to get myself mesmerize by the beauty of Jesseca Liu in this show.

true love needs nothing, but only a true heart which will bring you towards the many years ahead till death.

i'm gonna be good, be back to who i was; to be who i really am. i've realized, i haven't been doing fulfilling work for sometime, i.e. helping elderly, or being a volunteer; the last time was probably during ASc.

i ought to start soon; hopefully with chance and time.. (this was pretty much inspired by Jesseca Liu's blog). if i'm not wrong, one of my aunt is Elvin Ng's friend.. and from her blog, i found his, then i found hers. oh well, seems like i'm 2-3 relation away to know her!

whoo. she's a very much earthy artist, from her post in her blog. one day, i'll get hold of that special some one (hopefully, someone like her.. ^.^), for many years of undying passion, and moments.

well, these few days.. i've realized who i haven't been... haven't been very earthy. the one who loves trekking, getting in touch with the nature and the many others around the world who are the less fortunate. whatever that are the finer/materialistic things in life.. doesn't bring any meaning.

yes, be contented. count your blessings. those who hadn't appreciate you, no longer need any of your reminsces. with this, i shall leave this blog.. till i found the right title for my next blog, i will be starting on tumblr or wordpress. and my next trip.. i feel like going langkawii, vietnam, cambodia. LOL!

this OST.. probably most people have heard it, it didn't appeal to me with all the promos.. but with the show.. it blends with many feelings.

someday, i will watch that special someone cry.. and i'll sweep off those tears on her beautiful face..

give her a hug, and a kiss.. with love.

i'll save my next gentle kisses for that special someone - someday.

2011-04-13T22:37:00.003+08:00

dreams.

it seems like those dreams keep replaying those things that was undone.

since the day you left me hanging.

sometimes, you wish life could be simple like what it used to be.

anyway, 'hello stranger' is a nice movie. depicts simplicity in love.

maybe in a society, where people are less exposed to temptations have some kind of reminsces for people. they value and cherish people more i guess.

anyway, the following MV reminds me of the days..

i pillioned you on my 'bike',

those laughs and walk we had,

the times we carry our lanterns in the chinese garden,

the times we took photos of our shadows,

weird isn't it?

how things happened, and how it ended today.

anyway, rest in peace my cousin-in-law; Daniel, passed on aged 35 due to cancer.

god, bless my 3 nephews and my cousin.

2011-03-06T22:25:00.005+08:00

smile.

looking back...

those smiles i know of back then, carry much innocence and simplicity.

those smiles i see today, much different. it feels as if a hardening sense to emotions, to push oneself to move on. probably, a perfect stranger.

A was telling me that he couldn't have tried to be friends anymore, despite 7 months.

Then I thought, perhaps.. it goes the same as for me too. 6 years have been horribly too long to forget anything, everything.

"we couldn't have been friends. when i see you, it will bring me back the many feelings, flashbacks of the many first time, how we had grew up together and the many magical moments. however, if you ever need me, someday; let me know, i will be there like how i've always been."

"i will always remember the walks; on the very night, from Tampines.. through the fly over and all the way to your home. the days where mash potatoes from KFC never seems bored. the time i held onto the umbrella, and you were walking close together with me in the Zoo, in the rain. thereafter, it was our first time together at chomp chomp and packed supper home for family members."

"Remember his laugh -- no matter what it was about -- made you laugh too. Remember when he entered a room you immediately felt butterflies. You remember spending hours on the phone talking about the dream you both had for the future. You even remember how he smells in addition to the soft kisses on your forehead."

p.s. i bet you didn't know the one you're with today is someone my niece knew, probably some relation to my extended family. shocking? or disgusted?

2011-02-17T13:45:00.002+08:00

wake up.

remember that very day, i woke up and to realize that everything in this world today changed.

one of my blood brother got ditched. he poured his sorrows to me, 7 months.

i fully feel how he feels.

i had a r/s for almost 6 years, spending most of my time with the family.

the one who probably ditched you ain't just about it that's all.

i know i'm repeating myself, but yeah. it was those kinship, the love that were all built over the many years, through time.

what causes the change?

today, i'm moving forward; 2 x times the speed, the one probably you're with today.

maybe if you could have waited, everything would turn out right?

maybe, maybe not.

timing, is love about timing? or faith? or perseverance?

i was talking to Ms T;

about all those pillow fights..

those wrestling on bed in the early morning..

i talked to A, my depressed fella and he mentioned;

those paths.. those many first time.. those places..

7 years of r/s be it couple, be it as friends..

snapped.. and they were gone..

1 and a half years of perfect stranger.

define pity?

you've died, some years back - changed.

2 years back was when i finished my BSLC at Pasir Lebar 14th Feb 2009; v'Day, and we were at airport. remember? i gave you my red crystal heart.

2011-02-02T22:50:00.009+08:00

once upon a time.

"Remember his laugh -- no matter what it was about -- made you laugh too. Remember when he entered a room you immediately felt butterflies.
You remember spending hours on the phone talking about the dream you both had for the future. You even remember how he smells in addition to the soft kisses on your forehead.

We all have experienced that person who inevitably was the one that got away.

My girlfriends and I were talking about this recently and each one of us had a story.

One recounted a guy when she was in college where they spent the entire summer together. They enjoyed long walks in the park talking about everything and nothing. They spent time at each others houses and acted like a kiddy tourists visiting all sorts of places.

He was hoping to become a doctor. She helped him study for his Medical College Admission Test. When he doubted he could finish medical school, she was the one who encouraged him. Sadly, after a misunderstanding, they went their separate ways.

Twenty years later, my friend has no regrets about where she is in life. But she longs for that day when she can tell her friend, "I'm proud of you and all that you accomplished." Yes, he became that doctor, married with two kids and from afar seems happy.

Is it better for my friend to have fond memories of that summer, which she does, or try to express that she realizes he's the one that got away. I believe that it's better to keep that memory alive in your heart instead of opening yourself up to regret.

Consider this: What if you contact that person only to realize that he has harbored resentment all these years?

I recall a time when I confronted the one that got away. We, like my friend, had that moment one year where we connected on all levels. We traveled together, talked for hours, and also discussed and debated our hopes and dreams for each other.

We were both in different places in our lives. When he was ready to settle down, I was consumed with my independence and being able to take care of myself.

Once I was ready to consider settling down, he was no longer ready for commitment, focused on his budding career.

Now, 15 years later, he and I are doing well personally and professionally. We realized that there was a time when we could have been together but we could never get the timing right.

I waited years to confront him as to why it didn't work and the truth was painful. To realize that he was holding on to what I was not able to give him when he needed it, was devastating. We have managed to realize that our time would never be and have loved each other enough to remain good friends.

Yet there are still some times when we both look at each other remembering that moment that could have been.

Sometimes it's best to leave the past in the past. Consider your moment -- whether it was a summer or a year. You decide whether it's better to confront, contemplate and dissect the reasons why, or just sit and smile over a glass of wine remembering the one that got away."

如果雨后会有晴天,

我希望如此..

i will always remember those walks through the parks.. the many paths.. and the bus which never seem to arrive.

the yearly movie time during the eve has gone for sometime, sometime.

one day, i will tell you what i've achieved since the day you left.

2011-01-15T23:59:00.003+08:00

祝你, 生日快乐

我知道伤心不能改变什么
那么让我诚实一点
诚实难免有无法控制的宣泄
只有关上了门不必理谁

一个人坐在空的包厢里面
手机让它休息一夜
那上千个切掉回忆的画面
时间眼泪不能流过十二点

生日快乐
我对自己说
蜡烛点了
寂寞亮了
生日快乐
泪也融了

我要谢谢你给的你拿走的一切
还爱你带一点恨
还要时间
才能平衡
美梦(热恋)伤痕
画面重生

祝你, 生日快乐

2011-01-12T21:45:00.003+08:00

age.

the old are ageing, facing death.

the young are rising, taking over.

a family business gonna be taken over in years to come, how will everything become?

i'm a unsharpen needle, moulding to be..

i must be a successful businessman in time to come.

the era is upcoming.

the rich don't get rich always when they do not know how to cherish.

the norms will rise, because they value.

life will always be a cycle.

those songs in the mp3 ain't updated. when old songs play, it bring me back those times. driving alone with those songs, really feels... i've lost someone so dear.

i always wonder, and probably that's why white hair are more than before.

flipping your physics textbook makes me realize the change, the vast change over the years.

but they say; someday, they will know who they love most, and who love them most. is that true?

2011-01-07T23:45:00.000+08:00

《网》

last episode.

maybe if you hadn't lost anything today, you will never realize what's more precious.

the sky is beautiful, the sunset too. always it'll be there, but we'll never realize the beauty of it. even if we lift up our head, we probably wouldn't be able to see it. in front of us, there are many thing blocking it.

the sunset you've seen today, was it the same as what we've seen together before?

如果说你忘了; 我还记得, 那一天.. 我们做在海边, 看着海, 吸着凉风,看着太阳下山.

"those who don't bother about you, do not deserve you to bother about them" - EG

true. i guess we shouldn't waste time and life on people who doesn't appreciates the love that was given. those times where you went through the many bad times with (accidents, operations, hospitalization, death of kins), ended up they felt that you were only a friend who's just always there.

weird isn't it?

perhaps, god is fair as i use to believe. what you've lost today, god will give you back somehow, some ways.

perhaps, till the day when you understood what love is.

the lyrics for the song is pretty good as well, and this is how i've edited:-

这份爱你还不了,

今日你拥有最华丽的情调

比不上曾经那微笑.

今天你选择了他是否因为是梦抓不到, 所以谁都想要?

最单纯的感动却忘了去寻找

以为拥有了世界, 却输掉了拥抱.

do you ever remember how our love happen and what we've been through?

isn't it an excuse when you ever told me, it's because; "i've always been there for you"?

so, why do you fall in love with another for?

ha.. someone said: "he's a guy i wouldn't turn my head to give a second look."

interesting?

the initiate phase of love creates blind people.

2010-12-30T23:51:00.004+08:00

i feel vengeance burning ever since that day, it never stops.

the fire never ceased.

dreams kept haunting you; you start going crazy, making less sense everyday.

you do not know when you will ever get crazy.

i really have all your farking details; if you're ever sorry dude.

i will smash up your hamster face really hard.

i will never forget your, "so?" with that fuck attitude of holding on to my USED item.

yes, my 'handing over' was a golden hand shake.

how gracious.

yes, it's no longer the one i used to love.

fake smile, fake words. soul-mates? bullshit.

the world getting superficial isn't it?

passion?

hope he fucks you badly and fuck others behind your fucking back with all the lies, like what he has done to his ex, for you.

be happy with your fairytale, like you always dream.

happy being 3rd party of others isn't that so?

they all know.

being crude is kindness isn't it?

all that we've ever shared was nothing.

what you shared today with another will turn into NOTHING one day.

happy fucking.

mood:? insane.

2010-12-28T23:59:00.004+08:00

記得

你记得今天是什么日子吗?

从小一起成长的岁月有多纯真, 有多珍贵

认识有一年, 我们是 - 普通朋友

相处了蒋经6年, 我们成了 - 最真心的伴侣

从始至今, 8年了.

时间将经快要1年半了, 我们成了最熟悉的陌生人

沉默...

很痛.

sometimes i wish we could be really the longest couple amongst friends, ever existed.

i wish i could crack up crabs for you to eat,
i wish i could peel the many prawns you like,
i wish those walks in those late nights never end,
i wish i could still pillion you on my bike and enjoy the night breeze,
i wish you could be there like you always do,

i wish i could pick you up, like how i always did. but with something called my own now.

sometimes i wish nothing, no one changes.

if you talk about speed, i'm speeding for you; to be faster in any progression that you ever wished i was.

sometimes songs are like encrypted with memories which you can never delete

2010-12-25T05:00:00.004+08:00

last christmas.

i remember years ago, this was the song i gave.

i wonder today if you could recognise me?

sometimes, you wonder how long you will love somebody.

maybe, i stopped loving.

maybe, there are so much sentimental values and meaning towards this; that you keep reminscing it. because you know there's a history that you can never change; something which once felt so real, so true. someone you spent part of your life with, overcoming all the many differences/hurdles to become one.

last year i spent this time in Thailand; with sorrows filled in my heart, hoping i could find the way back home.

this year, it has been less sorrowful.

recently, the show 'breakout' though it has been quite fictitious. however, i guess it depicts the extremes of every individual character in reality.

maybe those who live in their own world, have a much simpler perceptions in life. perhaps, sometimes it does get quite complicated when you know memories haunt you day and night.

and maybe we do really have thoughts of ending our life one time or another; and we just carry on to see what life would bring us.

you don't reminsce anything don't you? it hadn't meant anything?

what have i done wrong? i wasn't any bastards who lied to you before.

once bitten and twice shy
i keep my distance but you still catch my eye
tell me baby do you recognise me?
well it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me

merry x'mas

2010-12-21T23:59:00.001+08:00

6.10AM

I was holding onto you & you told me everything; to stop trying so hard, seeing me tired makes you ache, because you told me how much you do love me and you would walk with me despite anything.

Those familiar family members, told us to cherish each other.

my heart trembles with ache, breathing gets harder in reality.

on the verge of tears as I've seen myself.

the touch felt so real, so familiar.

my mobile rang, and I'm back.

I felt like shit, but I enjoyed the dream.

Ironic.

sometimes I wish I die in there and never wake up.

maybe one day, someday.

sometimes I feel like I've lost surrealness in reality.

sometimes I feel I've stopped making any sense.

sometimes I feel I've been suffering from split personality.

maybe, it has been so long.

it makes people crazy when it haunts you day & night.

someday, I would die remembering everything.

rest in peace, my love.

this song; for the perfect you, in that dream i had all about you.

maybe today, i would have proposed to you.

maybe all those perfect dreams we've built through time, will be realize.

if love could walk through time, this love would have been really beautiful.

2010-12-12T21:00:00.002+08:00

如.果.说

很多时候

曾经配你走过岁月的人会变的如此陌生 - Just A Dream

活在了现实但失去了真实

最单纯的感动却忘了寻找 - 许多的 moments, 抱着你一起流泪, 我.记得

拥有了世界却输掉了拥抱

如果说在一段遗憾的感情里有没有说完的话,

以下的这首歌或许是我想对你说...

丑角

只要你开心就好若只是你生命的配角

娱乐过你也骄傲

就算听你说他的好心里对你再多爱慕

仍是站在远处只给你祝福

你有权利寻找你最适合谁的拥抱

既然爱过还你自由我不哭不闹

我只是寂寞的解药

我也知道曲终人该散了

2010-12-05T23:30:00.005+08:00

絕口不提.愛你

我不愿放弃却要故意默默允许

我答应自己爱你的心绝口不提

所有结局在这夜里都已成形

爱到了底痛的是我的真心

2010-11-21T13:01:00.003+08:00

Love Language

came across K's blog,

"it's the beginning that is always the hardest."

saw this vid sharing over at our social network, but decided to share it here instead.

love can be simple isn't it?

they do not require fanciful dinning, ambience, no fanciful presents.

in their eyes, there's only the beauty of the other.

2010-11-15T23:00:00.004+08:00

5am

i woke up to my senses, feeling the reality of the world at this time.

my heart raced, carrying that ache deep inside.

it felt like it was dug out from within.

then i know, it was just a dream.

YOU.

these dreams are way beyond my control, frequency ranging from twice to thrice the past 1 year.

sometimes i wish it didn't happened, then those dreams won't keep haunting me.

sometimes when you wish you could control everything, you just couldn't.

i've never thought i'll believe and have so much faith in what love is till that day:-

i remember what you wore on that day.

i remember the silly things that happened, that we both laughed; to realize the wet grass had make our bottoms wet.

i remember how much you didn't wanna hold my hand.

i remember the first time, both of us; trying to flew a kite.

i remember all the pictures, with funny faces we took round the world.

i remember how much i missed you on your birthday; that i couldn't have spend a better time with you, but only to borrow mobile from my sergeant and to asked my whole platoon mates to sing you - a birthday song.

i remember how happy you were; to received 21 roses, with a card sweetly written.

i'll always remember the day; i told you how much i love you, how much i told you to remember the many moments, remember - my love.

true love supersedes everything.

there'll only be forgive and remember - someday.

they say; forgive and forget are self-denial to move on, without true happiness.

with this,

i ended this entry with tears trickled.

(let me be, entries recorded are shitty days.)

2010-11-13T01:10:00.002+08:00

10 Years of Love.

It's definitely sweet to see couples getting married after dating for 10 long years.

Since they were secondary schoolmates, they were there for one another.. be it the good and bad, for 10 long years. Sweet?

It is, definitely.

How beautiful is love when it could be tested through time.

"if you realized no one is there for you one day, remember how deeply i once loved you." interesting quote?

haa, i wonder how many people will realize this.

i will never forget the days when you:-
smile when we washed the car
smile when i am folding stars for you
smile when you were a pillion on my bike
smile when we're simply holding our hands
smile when we walked through the endless roads
smile when we squatted down, sweating, just to get your car painted by marker

it will always be the sweat, we dripped that i'll remember.

they were once so real, so innocent, soo honest.

i just couldn't find that feeling.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

a few more weeks and i'll achieve what i could.

where are you, to share my joy and success?

it has been a long 1 year 3 months.

2010-11-07T23:00:00.000+08:00

fugly world.

it's sad to see how betrayal happens in the night. they got bf, they got gf; so what to them? so, what is the purpose and value of a r/s in the world we're in today?

lies.

nothing or no r/s you have has that great value for you to cherish.

there seems like nothing which you can connect your soul fully to, to trust whole heartedly. for that moment if it seems like a fairytale, then please wake up. they are lies which blinded you at the start.

it's sad to see all the break ups happening over in FB. well, don't be sad. people change, they come and go. no one reminsce anything. they always put the word, "move on" at the top of the mind, at the tip of the mouth.

the world has made us so superfical to the point we no longer understand the word 'cherish' and we all give up easily. the real meaning of a r/s is then lost, over time.

sometimes i wish you will be there like what you use to be, supporting my soul. today, who am i?

2010-11-07T16:05:00.002+08:00

water retention

for those who feels they may need to lose fats, please remember; it could be water retention.

they usually accumulate on cheeks (don't think of it as face fats), legs, tight.

reasons being: late nights, stress, too much salt intake (rubbish which you may ate), alcohol which probably malfunctioning your kidney to 'sort out' the salt levels in your body, irregular meals which causes irregular hormones.

whatever it is, you can google it.

take care.

2010-10-24T20:12:00.004+08:00

perfect lies.

from that moment when you thought your lies were perfect, it has crushed everything.

nothing about you was worth value for, just because you didn't value any

form of relationship at the start, much less the honesty & respect of friendship at

the basis.

one day if your heart feels torn apart, remember me; the pain you gave.

this song is for you - from me.

Falling a thousand feet per second, you still take me by surprise
I just know we can't be over, I can see it in your eyes
Making every kind of silence, takes a lot to realize
It's worse to finish than to start all over and never let it lie
And as long as I can feel you holding on
I won't fall, even if you said I was wrong

I'm not perfect, but I keep trying
'Cause that's what I said I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave
Was it something I said or just my personality?

Making every kind of silence, it takes a lot to realize
It's worse to finish than to start all over and never let it lie
And as long as I can feel you holding on
I won't fall, even if you said I wrong

I know that I'm not perfect, but I keep trying
'Cause that's what I said I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave
Was it something I said or just my personality?

When you're caught in a lie and you've got nothing to hide
When you've got nowhere to run and you've got nothing inside
It tears right through me, you thought that you knew me
You thought that you knew

I'm not perfect, but I keep trying
'Cause that's what I said I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave
Was it something I said or just my personality?

I'm not perfect, but I keep trying
'Cause that's what I said I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave
Was it something I said or just my, just myself
Just myself, myself, just myself

I'm not perfect, but I keep trying

2010-10-24T09:29:00.008+08:00

let lyrics speaks for itself, let the song brings out how you feel.

with a beer, the liveband played this song...

and till today, i often woke up with haunted dreams, which makes my heart - ache.

who says the longer it is, the less painful? it's not always the case.

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as you turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like is was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this time
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
And I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me dies when I let you go

2010-10-21T21:59:00.004+08:00

why do i always forget the fact that people do change?

the other day was just another fucking emo day.

i kept feeling slow, each day i try to push myself to move faster to achieve my goal.

and you know your success should be in time to come.

let time reveal values, character and beliefs.

sometimes it just happen to me all all the time...

2010-10-18T22:30:00.001+08:00

白色的风车

曾经是多么的真心

感觉是多么的真实

如今是什么让我们成为了熟悉的陌生人

我不明白为什么曾经所付出的真心

会让事情演变成如此的结局

白天是思念那段过去那段可贵

黑夜的你成了我每个早晨醒来感伤的梦

不知不觉...

一年三个月已过

心什么时候才不会再痛

梦醒来的泪什么时候才能不会再流

原来真心付出换来的是致死不息的痛

今天的我泪

流了怕了

我所认识的婉娟

又去了那里

想陪着你走到最后

会不会有人来代替

否有一天你泪流了

请你, 记的我...

2010-10-07T23:45:00.000+08:00

想念。童年

the song 稻香 brings back memories no doubt; surprises in the car boot (presents for you), those walks, those rainy days.

at the same time, it makes me feel like a child.

we always wanted to grow up when we were younger, now you hope you can be like a child.

sometimes you may wonder how love happen.

sometimes you ponder how did it end? like why? hur hur.

someone who was once like your soulmate, for many years... you couldn't believe how it could have happen.

have you wonder how everything may end in whatever r/s you have with someone today?

like they said, it felt like someone died. it indeed felt that way.

but imagine how i coould have felt losing so many of the ones i love and love me - overnight, and not just the one and only whom i love most before?

the kind of kinship which you built with the many people over time.

how could people totally understand that?

for love to last, you just gotta keep falling in love over and over again despite time.

how many times have we fallen in love?

twice, in 6 years.

i miss you, the very authentic and real you.

where have you been?

2010-10-04T23:30:00.001+08:00

path

sometimes you wonder about when this road will end

sometimes you wonder when will all these happiness end, one day

i wondered through my most felt blissful times when i was much younger, where i have all the ones who loved me.

how often, how many. cherish what's "love through time"?

how many cherish the many path we've walked, and through the darkest point of our life?

some of us can only mourn for the lost of our love, despite years.

those who tried to forget, never really do.

sometimes you really hope that those who grew up with you, could really be truthful and standby you always.

but, they never really do.

we all thought so.

2010-09-26T18:48:00.007+08:00

shit stirrer.

for this post, i am not agitated.

i'm as rationale and as calm as i am.

but let me name you "asshole".

for some reason, this fake profile of U is created.

if you're so fucking free to stalk on others life and creating this fake account and label me as "andrew", extracting all sorts of old photos of the past. then, i think you're really fucking free.

for the photos you've extracted, it's not in any of my album.

you're a close suspect of the clique with the ladies you know, hence it doesn't really bother me.

you are definitely out of my friends list, and you do not really know who our mutual friends were.

you're someone close to her, and even remember/know quotes she used long before.

you probably have a psychotic split personality which probably have some kind of grudges inside you, with either of us.

your motive:
- to stir hatred or a more in depth misunderstanding between people
- to make others hate me (to make others think i am the fucking free man to do sucha stuff)
- instilling hatred in the ones and family members who were once dear and close to my heart

you're just trying to make things ugly, and wish to laugh and watch whatever that may happen.

whoever you are, you're simply too free.

please go and do something better at your free time, and fuck off.

you've been shortlisted by me, and i probably know who you are.

too free? carry on.

i can't be bothered by your request.

your plan to make me feel what you want me to feel, has failed terribly.

i've stopped feeling anything.

just too bad. haha.

2010-09-20T23:40:00.002+08:00

走进走出

suddenly i've got this very positive feeling towards what's gonna be ahead in life.

we're all in our prime years, so it's critical to add value to yourself, and keep exploring more into the meaning of life and the world.

freedom is the key to success.

god has his plans for your fate. he will bring the best to you - someday.

well, i still believe a real r/s is when you've found your opposite gender best friend (he/she will see the best of you and the ugliest of you), all your past with somebody is revealed/shared through time with him/her through endless talks and then accepted.

a very honest and true r/s.

i guess, that will make you and the r/s very much valuable.

the perception of people moving on from one r/s to another (psychologically - they explained that people who are love dependent/ afraid of loneliness, would do so to forget all that is in the past/ to fulfill what they want as of tentative) has gradually lose the real meaning of r/s with people.

it'll somehow end, someday again.

the real time line to forget or have a vague memories of the past/people will take about 2-3 years exactly for all wounds to be healed.

they actually care; they run, they always run away from life, forgetting to really overcome their feelings/ emotions by themselves and face who they really are.

"if the world turns bad, even if the world can be the ugliest. you must not be one of them, carry on and be good, be who you really are."

i was inspired by my doctor who told me this.

time's not up, still too early.

what comes around, goes around.

2010-09-14T23:30:00.001+08:00

眼泪

你是否还记得..

在走过的岁月里,

有多少眼泪是一起流?

你.. 记起了吗..?

这些感动是爱情里的甜酸苦辣.

最纯真的感动..

2010-09-13T23:55:00.003+08:00

leave.

they always say, if you left something

don't try to bring anything along

it's not gonna be the same.

and i was taught/told not to touch anything that you considered yours, nothing mutual as you may regard.

so, don't do what you preached.

you formed a new life, leave what's behind - behind.

you made the decision, the choice for your fate - your destination.

that's what everyone does, don't you see?

they don't try mingling, nor duplicate actions/words of the past.

"i never like to use sweet words to make you happy, if it's not from my heart. i'll probably say things to make you lose faith and feel disappointed. so, were you up for the test of time, and how much you remember about love?

i always believe (myself) in whatever i choose to commit my time/effort in. only time, will my actions speaks for itself, making you happy - a life time." - soulmate

2010-09-12T23:50:00.000+08:00

感情vs爱情

有人说不管时间过了多久

没了爱情... 感情总还是有吧?

人.. 真的会怀念感情吗?

你是否还记得.. 一段感情/爱情纯真的美好?

ha.. 真可笑...

回忆.. 总是在脑海里..

清晰.. 可见...

but well.. I guess this article (extract) which I came across, explains why.

"If a person has an experience that is physically, mentally or emotionally traumatic, the mind deals with the situation in one of several different ways. Some people abuse alcohol, food, drugs or other substances to numb the feelings they have inside. Others mourn for a short period of time, restore their faith, balance and sanity, and somehow miraculously move on.

But the rest of us left over, usually those who are very analytical and logical, have trouble processing deeply troubling situations. So, we replay the painful situation over and over again in our minds, searching for an answer. But the problem is, the answer cannot be found in the rational mind, because the problem is on an emotional plain. Therefore, the solution has to come from the heart, which needs to be healed and restored."

how you wish sometimes you could be less logical and analytical.

"we live in a world of lies & many hidden truth; what was real became surreal, what's dream became a fantasy. Humans forgo guilt/conscience/kinships/friendships which we learn since young & over the years, to move on. At the start, it's always "He/She/I'm so glad/ thank god to have met you..!" The end states, "no one is worth that sympathy nor apology". Much less, the basic respect for the relationships built."

2010-08-31T23:17:00.002+08:00

unriddle

for some reasons, perhaps the many things in life will stay a riddle.

for some, what they lost are never the wealth nor luxuries in life,

but someone who really loves them and took very much effort to take care of them with heart.

something most valuable, and only till one day will you understand the depth of - true love.

"if you love someone, set them free. if they don't come back, they probably refused to ask for directions and got lost."

2010-08-29T00:10:00.002+08:00

my first ever video on YOUTUBE.

Basic Military Talk Episode 07

well, the only episode that needs a soldier to wear CV I guess?

good and bad criticism are no doubt inevitable.

if you do really notice my speech when i was in uniform? i was really quite nervous because all my bosses are watching me filming.

5 minutes of fame took me about 4 hours of filming? from pre-filming preparation till the end.

who says medic got no 6 pacs? i didn't strip for you to see only.

Zzz. -.-

Hope you all enjoy the entertaining video.

Find it weird to see myself on a video though. =S

2010-08-25T01:02:00.002+08:00

其实, 事实...

内心的我.. 真的很希望

能够一直像从前一样..

相信永恒的美丽..

不管岁月把这距离阁了多元

till my life is through, the fact that you were once very much loved in my heart can never be change.

听了这首歌..

心有点再碎了下去的感觉.

2010-08-20T00:23:00.002+08:00

1 Story, 2 Share

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6.

By Stephanie Halmilton

2010-08-17T18:32:00.001+08:00

爱可以很简单, 很甜美

真诚, 感动, 知音 (soul-mates).

2010-08-16T00:00:00.002+08:00

burn.

have you ever love someone so much that you can barely breathe on your own? it makes your mind deplete of oxygen, making you all irrational, numb to pain. till one day, you didn't even realize you've gone crazy yourself.

不知不觉.. 一年了..

2010-08-14T02:40:00.002+08:00

values.

aftershock.

good movie, touching.

many values involve and everything.

love can be simple isn't it?

sometimes.. do you ever value the love you build and and time spent with somebody/someone over time?

how do we define quality/quantity time? how can love be measured/balanced?

can you miss the one you love dearly for 32 years?

i guess not many people do now.

we all kept moving on, and soon enough everything loses it's meaning and it's value.

true love happens when you sacrifices your time/life for someone, somebody. be it the hardest time, he or she will be so ever understanding.

love makes us irrational.

i enjoying tearing and watching movies.

it makes me feel again, somehow.

BASIC MILITARY TALK IS ON EPISODE 6!!!

MINE IS 7 I THINK.

COMING SOON... =))

2010-08-12T00:19:00.002+08:00

time is love.

interesting ad i saw on TV, love the background music as well.

it defines how love can be, through time.

it should be an expensive ad anyway.

爱情真的有期限吗..?

我们走的越进, 却越模糊..

时时刻刻都在心里说, 我爱你..

我努力的爱惜你..

为何结果还是这样..?

<唯有时间.让爱.更了解爱>

2010-07-28T00:14:00.007+08:00

time.

recently been busy with:

school.
job hunt.
interviewsss.
planning itineraries for overseas.
attending gathering sessions and catch up with various groups.

well, i had interviews such as b***** tr_der/s_les en***eer.

the sensor-ed part serve as a purpose unable people to google about such related jobs.

c*nsumer b_nking, while on hold as back up.

the rest i kinda rejected them.

i suppose it has been going quite well. some firms almost did wanna confirm me.

as for b***** tr_der, the interview was pretty straight forward.

it talks about whether a not you're up to the game of lies and everything and to entertainment of course.

as for myself, i guess it's pretty much about values VS $$$.

now i truly understand why the man once said he feels lonely/tired/sad with his wine.

betrayal of your soul, your love ones.

you drink till your liver probably fails you one day.

all in all, for the sake of providing a better life for your family.

the many things we may enjoy today, may all be taken for granted. we didn't know we had actually put life at stake, shortening life span.

but well, it solely depends on what we want in life; luxuries or a simple yet truly cohesive family, without lies.

talked to my family about it, maybe it have yet to reach the age for the job.

hence, i guess i will fall back and stay focus as s_les en***eer which offers me a good p_y package where i can afford a car, and many traveling opportunities like Jap & other regional countries. All in all, it's probably far better than those new degree graduate's pay and definitely a good start.

well, managed to clinched the 2nd interview. will know the final result in the next 2 days or so. even if i failed, at least the interview experience was definitely a good one.

till then, play well with my part time studies, probably till when studies are done, i could take the risk and afford the game (single of course) as b***** tr_der.

betrayal doesn't seem to be allowed in my dictionary if attached.

back on the serious note, if the job prospect and progression is well to do, i aimed to be a senior s_les eng-er in 3 years time or till by then when i graduate.

the time line seems just right as of now; if confirmed till after probation period and till school officially starts next year.

Have you heard?

of the 7 year itch? where things become stagnant, how you feel today no longer stays the same, the other party walk out of you at your worse times.

the faster the progression, the faster passion burns out.

the ugly truth about life; sometimes you wonder how much you kissed, how much you love each other, how much of life and yourself you shared with your partner, how much bad times and good times you went through, and today you became just total strangers.

everything seems to boil down to ZERO value.

sometimes, people need to be tested through time with all the nonsense be it rationale or irrational:

be it your ugliest times
be it the times you are broke like shit
be it when you were angry and go bonkers
be it the times you're so sick and vomit
be it the times you're bedridden and can't even clean your own mess

is there any fairytale in here?

it's the reality of every aspect, in life.

i would once again, for the one i love.

but i guess i've enveloped myself, no longer feeling anything for anyone.

p.s. why waste time getting into r/s when all that ever happens has no forever? but only tearful memories for you to reminisce from time to time?

TURN OFF

it's pretty turn off to have people who text you like they know you damn fcuking well/ putting a judgmental comment on your character/perception SOOO soon when they hardly understand your past/experience.

don't love/like/interested in me soooo soon, i don't believe in that.

please, be my best friend at least before you try again.

-.-

today just seems so bluey, and i just don't know why.

pms always seems to come around when the month is coming to an end?

and seems like most of my post are always on the 28th.

people always seems to be reading more of my blog when it's near 28th as well.

btw, you don't really have to catch up with friends only when your 'current' isn't around in SG.

i do not really *like* the idea of them being make use of, to fill your void as much as i understand that we do have mutual friends.

your profile seems by far, consist the most amount of bedroom pictures.

please, save some pride and privacy for yourself.

there's USB and other means of file transfer technology than being really hardworking to upload them.

at least love and take care of your, name.

2010-07-09T00:00:00.007+08:00

<<熟悉的陌生人>>

今天, went to run some errand

好久似乎没经过 Tampines Mall 了

最近忙到连想看部电影都没空

经过 Hokkaido Fair

她的影子从我脑海里浮现

也真巧的给我碰上了

at the very moment while i was walking,

at the very second

and glance

我们...

擦肩而过 (加上中间人人所谓的 Big Hamster) - 封号不是我给的

...

你是否曾想过, 你能爱一个人到多久?

5年, 10年? 天长地久?

天长地久或许也只不过是爱情里一开始最虚伪的谎言

也是最终的痛苦

你是否曾想过, 你曾最信任, 最爱的人会变得如此陌生...

你是否曾想过, 今天与你度过最多时光的人会变得不曾相识.

many women told me, it's important to find someone who will love them for life.

yet again, when time allows us to take everything for granted.

when positive traits became magnified flaws today. (i.e. determination is seen as a positive character trait. yet, when it comes to break up, people seen you as being persistent; yet forgetting that it's actually your determination to work things out.)

everything has it pros and cons, nothing is regarded as good nor bad.

we're nobody to judge anybody.

"everything that happens today, is a replica. the difference lies in the caliber which suits the parameters for the process today.

if U changes with respect to Time. I remains the same."

as much as i love changes and challenges, i fear the change in a r/s. the agony of pain do actually haunt people subconsciously.

sometimes i wonder if it's fear that forbids me to commit into any form of r/s.

am i enclosing myself?

i want to be fair to them, i guess.

unlike when i know there are people who actually subconsciously tries to forget their ex-es by going for another r/s, leaving many things unresolved.

or sometimes when their "current" ain't free to company them, their mind went back to the past (start thinking/stalking) and also when they are subconsciously having comparison to their ex-es (for the good things; that's where they start to remember) when they're faced with quarrels or bad times with their "current".

being in one r/s ain't about sweet words that touches you. it ain't about the romances which you try to buy from ambiance/places. it ain't about the initial stage of love where hormones are burning, avoiding quarrels at all cost and you still hope for it to burn till ripe old age.

understanding, i say. love, care and concern.

& be your very true self. ultimately, who takes care of you best?

well..

you may be surprise; today, girls ask actually ask YOU out on a date, texts you ferociously even before you have the time to reply them. =.=

sometimes, life really makes you wonder about it's value.

有时候我心里会笑着说, "我的人生真的是所谓的; 人生如戏,戏如人生."

i do enjoy the solitary from time to time. peaceful, isn't it?

P.S. "熟悉的陌生人, 你好. 好久不见."

2010-07-02T00:13:00.002+08:00

Life, Death & Love

most people will always think that my post is long. however, most of them always end up reading till the end.

interesting? or just out of curiosity?

an exciting day. worse case i've ever came across ever since i have been a medic specialist for the past 1 year.

fits was scary when i first saw it at airbase when i first became a medic.

heat cramps/exhaustion wasn't so much of fear then, despite the screaming in the resuscitation room aka emergency room.

today was a asthmatic patient, yet i was calm as well. but i regard it as the most interesting case just as i'm gonna ORD.

he collapsed and found by others.

upper and lower limbs were all cramped up due to the lack of oxygen going into his brains and the other parts of the body.

lungs looks really tight like vacuumed.

1 crab, 2 crabs and 3 crabs were all in the resuscitation room helping/looking.

you wonder why.

it's the organisation's day and they had a parade. the guy was a ad-hoc man who was out of course due to his medical condition. he didn't had any physical activities, yet his attack came just by purely walking down the stairway and found by big shots.

we seriously work like as if we were in the hospital emergency room.

i followed to the hospital, doc was at the back with one of my colleague.

sirens were on, and we really rush as fast as we could.

i even cut myself. =(

he was gasping for air, like earth was depleting of oxygen.

i guess i could feel that kinda anxiety and struggle, totally.

he came from a well off family and i shan't further talk about the background.

but his parents weren't panick at all, to my surprise (to rush down to pay him a visit).

"it wasn't the first time. there were many times and they were use to it. they need to work."

then i thought, "so what if this is the last time? what's next? cry?"

work over kinship or what?

taken for granted.

we'll never know when is our last day, our last time we could do something and leave this world without regrets.

today, have you not done something that you should?

saying sorry to the ones you love?

doing what you could have done to make things better or the world a better place?

today, 'we' saved one life.

i know, it's a fulfillment and an experience no one can ever feel.

i've never regretted what god has given me today, to be a medic. i know clearly what to do if anything happens. the 'panick' me has long gone.

life as it is, but we must do our best.

in his eyes, i could feel that gratefulness, the care & concern and love we've shown.

i suppose we'll always say, "never take life too seriously, or you'll never live out of it."

but i guess all of us were wrong.

it's meant to be serious business, making full use of what you have today and not taking every little things that has always been there, for granted.

be contented.

cherish what god gave you.

love is simple and so is romance.

money can only buy what you use and wear today.

it's the heart that you gave, the commitment and effort you want to put into.

never let go of the ones we love and love us the most.

it'll always be our lost, for not knowing how to appreciate.

well, BB saw me at CGH. she still could recognise me. it's really nice to see them working at hospitals.

S saw me at the resuscitation room while i was trying to get information, she just stoned and look at me for a few seconds, till her colleague nudged her.

i couldn't remember her name, and i didn't wanna recognise her at that point of time where her mask is on and i can't remember her name at the same time. but well, sadly she was too busy for me to try to say 'sorry, but do you recongise me?' but i knew she did lah, so i was kinda ps. Zzz.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Casual.

i've got lotsa things i wanna do and buy.

- prepare for admission test
- job hunting
- japanese/french lessons
- surgery (considering)
- iphone 4
- lasik (to be referred by my doctor)??
- teeth whitening?
- panasonic GF1 camera/ video cam (feels damn good about it)
- soft rebonding for my hair
- japan/nz/aus backpacking trip??? well, my doc did it with his friends at NZ for 1 mth, work and play. sounds good but khakis dependent.
- LV wallet from Espanol (to be brought by RP)
- bags bags and more bags
- watch watch and more watches

i doubt my invesments profits are sufficient to fund me for all these. but at least half of them i suppose? hopefully by then, salary will fund up the rest and other lobangs. to be completed within the next 1 year and trips gonna depend on schedules and etc. =.=

but will definitely head to aust next year to find a friend of mine.

well, over at jap i've got a childhood friend over there as well.

shall see what i can do.

well, that's life on a lighter note.

July is here to come, time to donate BLOOD!!!

2010-06-30T23:10:00.003+08:00

Pre-mature Greying of Hair.

Yes, I'm suffering from this.

Worse than ever during my studying time.

Top of my head, a patch of hair are greying up.

None of my family members has any history of this.

The most common of all is only a few strands.

I wonder what has the past 10 months got me into.

Eccentrically insane?

Researched:

Grey hair, gives the indication of improper protein synthesis. The pigment melanin is responsible for the change of hair colours. Early greying of the hair is basically hereditary, and we can inherit it from one of our parents or grandparents.

Grey hair can also be influenced by stress. A person experiencing a prolonged period of stress and anxiety may notice, over a period of time, white hairs gradually appearing. Malnutrition, worry, shock, deep sorrow, tension and other similar conditions may also slow down the production of melanin resulting in grey hair.

Gonna dye it BLACK.

2010-06-21T00:45:00.000+08:00

SO MUCH TO BLOG ABOUT, LIFESTYLES & EVERYTHING.

Blog song changed as well according to mood and this was something I came across through a friend. In this, it brings me back many memories during that period of my childhood.

Have been a little sick lately. Now, I can and know what drugs to dispense for myself for normal sickness.

Well, I wonder if it's due to the rushing up and down from work, then to school.

Improper dinner every alternate days.

I guess age is really catching up.

I used to teach tuition and woke up as early as 7 on a Saturday. So am I doing so nowadays, going for tutorial lessons in the morning for a good 3 hours.

Well, in the past my day for Saturday end on a Sunday morning of 3-4am and would usually wake up again on a 11am basis the next. Today, I slept till 3PM.

It has been sometime since we all start bowling again, and watching mid-night movie till 3AM. Past weeks has been busy for everyone I guess, busy with our very own life.

Lesser parties nowadays and getting on with serious business in life.

It has been a LONG away break from civilian life, and through these 2 years, there happened a LONG break for me (really slacker life after 1 year soldier) and BIG break of course. Well, engine are all kicking in, life is starting to be busy, just like before enlisted.

The last was Henessy Artistry Party @ St. James's PH. It was a great event, manage to smoke 5 invitation in exchange for 10 guests. 5 for JK's friend, including myself and J plus 4 other friends.

There I was in the queue and video camera pop out. Well, I wonder if that short clip of mine would appear anywhere online for the event. Some artists, models, medias and etc were present. Totally a different atmosphere from the normal clubbing scene. Free flow of mixes. It was great definitely.

Well, St. James PH has became my turf for bridging relationships with people. Getting 7 people in at 'under table' basis of 100 bucks with people. Cutting the VIP queue and getting friend in for free; causing the ladies behind to go like O.o?!

haha.

Well, people nowadays are getting on and off relationships with people. People are moving on faster than before. But, well. I guess single is good. No hurt, no pain, no responsibilities.

Today, I earn, I spend myself happily. Well, dates? I had a few dates for 2-3 weeks past a couple of months back. Well, they ain't having any true feelings involve. They were just infatuations people have I suppose? Well, I've stopped completely. It's a waste of my time/energy and money. =.=

Love is a natural occuring process. It's not about sweet words and chasing after. It ain't about dating, finding nor looking.

I guess I prefer making more good girls friends, knowing and learning more in upcoming years.

From time to time, having some good meals with friends/buddies/besties, buying them meals are far better off than spending on unnecessary dates. In here, building a lifetime relationships with them, I found fulfillment as well.

Spare time? Loneliness? Nah, please. There are many more self-developments things which you can do.

Like my Doctor also my friend, at the age of 27, he earn his own, drive his own, spend his own, carefree, date when he is interested in someone but well, he date those who he has been friends for 4-5 years?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I guess a true relationship is about knowing someone, somebody as friend for a year and even for many more years to come. It's when you knew and fully seen all his/her imperfections. You love him/her very true self and his or her past. It's probably being very best friends for years.

Romance are just little actions which you give from time to time, the love the care the concern despite years.

Someday, reality will set in. Managing family, finances and the many routine and mundane stuff in life, sweet words becomes more hypocritical.

Love is like when you formed True Partnership, like best friends in working every way out, never giving up this life time.

Well, humans will never be satisfied and everything will become bored one day. Ultimately, we've got to understand where our contentment lies and tell ourselves it's enough, and the rest that you get are bonus. Then, no expectations or anything further from your partner.

I guess I still believe in the last statement ultimately in marriage vows; "will you take care and be there for your spouse despite wealth and health."

Although as hypothetical as it can be from the above statement; as long as your spouse is trying their best to give what they could for you, with a heart, what else can you expect for?

He/she needs to love you at your ugliest look as ever happen before and the ugliest things you do and be there at where you are.

Probably when you're down with fever and whatever, he/she is there taking care of you through the night, making sure you're at best treated.

Sometimes, I wonder how can I ever really take myself to love someone again? Is like, I once did my best with all that I could. It was never a failure, but a well lesson learned as they say.

They always moved on to fill their void.

Do you ever remember those times where just holding onto someone's hand, sweetness just seep through both of your hands? Are you ready to really take care of someone?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

FOR YOU

Well, no one is at fault today. It's the skills of managing the relationship I guess. Well, some of my friends broke up too, they end up happy best friends. Some patched, some are still cool.

Sometimes, I wished the break up wasn't a phone call, wasn't a simple letter. It was suppose to be a talk, a nice one where very much of honest unhappiness should be voiced.

Well, I can be understanding towards the character, the way you are. Perhaps so, things just went your way. Hence, 'my way'; a more appropriate way which I suppose, wasn't carried out.

I guess Love is selfish? It's never fair to either party then.

Today, if it were ever happened to me, when she ASKED. I would say honestly upfront, "I love her, and we can't work out. My apologies, but we can always be friends."

Sometimes, I do wish today situations were better off. Perhaps, for that basic respect, for how long you have knew someone, for the sake of friendship, for the sake of the no. of happy years spent, honesty was a baseline for being responsible.

It isn't about who doesn't owe who what nor who owe who what. It's respect and responsibility for someone, somebody, a friend.

Running to allow time to resolve everything, one day, someday?

Today when you have started another relationship, how would you end things off maturely and more professionally if everything were to end one day?

well, 老牛吃嫩草; there's still working environment, very much more changes to come when things becomes bored and not as fresh one day. If someone were once to be a bastard, he/she will be a bastard twice as I believe.

There are many more years to come and counting on.

So how do you see the value of a relationship today?

You break off with your someone and get on with someone a few days/weeks later, because you have fallen for someone else?

Well, ex-CPL Armour Tech.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

LIFESTYLE: Skin Care

Recently, I've brought 7 skin care products as recommended by my Doctor from Sasa.

From toner to hydrating moisturizer, to sun screen cream, BB cream, makeup remover for BB cream, daily cleanser, exfoliate wash.

Most of it are products from Japan and Korea, only the exfoliate one is from Swiss.

Methods and care for your skin:

Well, exfoliate once a week and after exfoliate, do a clarifying mask. This is where your inner skin is more exposed and sensitive. Clarifying mask will absorb all impurities more appropriately. Say a Sunday then.

Differing cream use ONLY once/twice a week at night, you need to get Doctor's prescription for this. But well, it will aggravate pimples if you use it too frequent. Say Wednesday & Saturday NIGHT?

Every day after daily wash, have toner on, followed by hydrating moisturizer, Acne Cream if applicable on affected areas (only at night for none serious cases), Sun screen/BB Cream.

So you left with Monday, Tues, Thurs and Friday night.

You can have anti-wrinkled/anti sag cream to be applied on your eye areas on these days. Well, before that, you can have 100% PURE Aloe Vera to hydrate your skin if time permits. Leave it on for 15 minutes and WASH OFF.

Any facial products you use, try not to contain any form of ALCOHOL content. It will cause your pores to open more, sensitive, promote dryness, if not appropriately taken care of.

Can check out these brands, DR.G, Juju (toner and hydrating moisturizer) and Dermalogica. They are the top selling brands.

Lastly, do not keep changing skin care products once you have really use the good ones. Stick to it. Otherwise it'll be bad for your skin.

Well, that's not all, I'm still learning.

I'm trying to finish all my leftovers before I offically start on the ones I brought. Hopefully, by the time I ORD-ed.

It's really great to know Doctors, and I mean not the normal GP but Specialized ones. LOL. I know a number of them, from gynecologist (can help my wife to deliver), Pediatric Doctor (see my child for any case)and Orthopedic Doctor (when I'm old or have bone injuries). Well, I also got to know hairstylist Recruit who works at Jean Yip for 3-4 years earning like 3-4K per month as Senior Hairstylist. =.=

Well, interesting.

2010-06-10T23:40:00.004+08:00

Have you ever wonder… (extracted from http://newheightslifecoaching.typepad.com) with personal reviews...

Have you ever wondered: “Why is our relationship so hard? Things were so perfect when we first met - what happened?” Most likely, the answer is that you’ve left the first stage of your relationship, and have moved into another.

many a times we left feelings unresolved and moved on to another r/s. through time, we almost forgotten how the most real feelings was like to be in a true r/s. maybe like what C told me, even though she might be with a new guy now, she still misses her ex. but all she did was to psychologically tell herself that things has changed or he had change and isn't the one she loves. yet, it seems that through time, people actually do play a part in the deepest part of our souls.

so what happen today? is it ego that are keeping us from the many things we wish to salvage in life? or is it the case that people can actually forget those beautiful memories? only when we experience the hurt again, only then we'll learn to appreciate what has always been there?

But could it really be that easy?

Yes! Most people understand that relationships grow and change over time… but what many people don’t know is that they tend to evolve in the same way. There are specific, defined stages of long-term relationships, which offer new feelings, new challenges to overcome, and new opportunities for growth. And if you want your relationship to evolve into one of mutual respect, love and intimacy, it’s likely that you’ll have to experience all of the following relationship stages at some point or another. Take a look at the description of each phase – does any of this sound familiar?

Before we get started, you should know that most people experience these stages in this order, and will need to resolve the challenges in each stage before they can move successfully on to the next. Of course there are always exceptions to this rule. But for the most part, you can’t get out of experiencing all of these stages if you want a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Every couple will move through these stages at different speeds, and most people will experience each stage more than once – it is common to fluctuate from one stage to another.*

Okay, now that I’ve given you the basic info, let’s dig a little deeper….

5 Stages of Committed Relationships

Stage 1 – The Romance Stage

This is also known as the Courtship Phase or the Fantasy Stage, and can last anywhere from 2 months to 2 years. This is when you and your partner have just met, and everything is absolutely amazing (that's where they say love is blind, and one day you get shot and woke up from your dreams). You can’t get enough of each other. Neither of you can do any wrong in the eyes of the other… mainly because you’re both still on your best behavior. The focus in this stage is on commonalities – you have so many common interests, you could practically be the same person! You show your partner your absolute best self, and you try to please each other as much as possible. Conflict is seen as “bad” in this stage, and is avoided at all costs. You can’t imagine living without this person, so you begin spending as much time together as possible. This is the stage when our defenses are down the most, which allows you to be open to and fall in love. You and your partner are building an important foundation in this stage, so your relationship can grow. There are biological effects as well. When you’re in this stage, your body is producing enormous amounts of endorphins, which makes you feel unusually happy, positive and excited about everything in your life (this is that “head over heels in love” feeling!). This is the stage most often portrayed in movies and romantic novels, for obvious reasons. Bottom line – you are happier than you’ve ever been, and can’t imagine ever feeling any differently.

Stage 2 – The Disillusionment Stage

This stage is also known as the Familiarization Stage, or the Adjusting to Reality Phase. This is where you begin to realize that your partner is actually a human being (horror of horrors!). You get to know each other more and more, and as a result you start recognizing their various flaws and shortcomings. You see your partner in relaxed situations, and you become more relaxed as well. Since your body cannot possibly continue to produce the same levels of endorphins that it was in the beginning, those feelings of being on top of the world start to decline. Your partner’s little habits aren’t quite as cute as they used to be, but there is still enough goodwill from the Romance Stage that you’re willing to overlook them. This stage can start to trickle into your relationship slowly, as you begin to see your partner for who s/he really is. Or sometimes it happens all of a sudden, when there has been some sort of dishonesty or deceit. This phase can be confusing and discouraging, since you’ve just experienced so much openness and connection in the Romance Stage. However, at this stage, your main job is to learn how to communicate and resolve conflict with this person effectively, which is an important skill if you want your relationship to continue.

Stage 3 – The Power Struggle Stage

This stage is also known as the Disappointment Phase or Distress Stage. As the characteristics from the Disillusionment Phase intensify, they become harder and harder to deal with. You will most likely begin to pull away from each other in this stage. At this point, you both still believe that conflict is a “bad” thing, but you are increasingly aware of your many differences. You fight to draw boundaries in the relationship, and as a result even small annoyances become big issues. This is the stage where you define unacceptable behavior, and most couples have occasional or frequent thoughts of leaving the relationship. More and more often, you start to feel like your partner is self-centered or un-caring, or even worse, that they simply can’t be trusted. Deep resentments begin to build if you’re unable to resolve your issues in a respectful and mutually agreeable way. Many couples get stuck in this stage, because this way of interacting becomes normal in their relationship. This is when it is absolutely necessary to learn to manage your differences effectively - to communicate and work together as a team, even though it’s tempting to believe that your partner’s sole purpose on Earth is to make your life difficult. Not surprisingly, this is the stage most couples are in when they decide to break up or file for divorce. However, if they are able to negotiate all of the landmines during this phase, they’ll move on to….

Stage 4 – The Stability Stage

This is a restful and peaceful time, compared to the last stage. This stage is also known as the Friendship Phase or Reconciliation Stage. Some couples never make it to this stage, but the ones who do find that they have deeper feelings of love, connection and trust with their partner. You now have history together, and most people begin to rely on the predictability of the relationship. As you enter this stage, you begin to realize that your partner isn’t perfect, but your personal differences aren’t quite as threatening as they used to be. You’re able to resolve most of your differences, at least to some extent, and you become more confident in the relationship. Some people feel a sense of loss in this stage as they learn to accept their partner for who they truly are, since this means they have to let go of the fantasy that was established early on in the relationship. But for the most part, the deepening sense of friendship and commitment is a good trade-off for those early feelings of butterflies and excitement. This is also when you begin to re-establish your own outside interests and friendships, which were given up in the Romance Phase. There is some danger that you may begin to drift apart from or become bored with your partner in this phase, so you should try to maintain the connection that was created in the Romance Phase. Overall, this is the stage when you finally begin to feel comfortable and happy with your deepening relationship.

Stage 5 – The Commitment Stage

This stage is also known as the Acceptance Phase, the Transformation Stage, or the Real Love Phase. It is estimated that fewer than 5% of couples actually make it to this stage, according to The Relationship Institute. This is the stage when both couples have a clear notion of who their partner is, faults, foibles and weaknesses galore… yet they make a conscious choice to be with this person in spite of all of those things (and in some cases, because of those things). You are no longer with your partner because you need them, but because you’ve chosen them, which means the level of resentment you felt in the Power Struggle Phase has decreased, if not disappeared. If you’ve made it to this stage, you and your partner are a team. You genuinely love your partner, and you look out for their best interests just as much as you look out for your own. Your partner is your best friend. There are few surprises about your partner's habits or character in this phase. You’ve collaborated to overcome many challenges together, and have grown to accept and support each other without restriction. Your vision for your relationship is in congruence with who you are and what you both truly want. You have discussed your future together - you have similar life goals, and you feel encouraged to define your relationship further. Many couples decide to make a formal or public commitment to each other in this stage (such as marriage) to demonstrate their intention to continue their relationship. This is the stage in which your relationship becomes a true partnership.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

so what are you going for today?

butterflies in your stomach? romance?

or do you find someone who truly loves you?

i was once told, all it matters was how much you love me.

i guess no matter how long you date doesn't matter. wedding ceremonies doesn't matter as well.

what matters is, how long can you truly love somebody and hurdle through the many things in reality and creates a true relationship at the end of the day?

sometimes, i wonder where is the true value of a relationship which you have formed with somebody.

but well, love is blind as they say.

and change is as good as the end of a chapter or a death of a person.

everyone knows.

"why cherish people who doesn't cherish you?"

"what you've understood today, isn't what she does."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear CPL Armour Technician Boy,

you better do what's right.

i've got all the fuck details i have of you.

take good care of your weak body.

i don't blame you for all the ugly situation and results we all have today.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Well, life's been busy.

Lessons have started.

Studies and career are my top priority.

Language studies are upcoming next, and so much so for playing of strings.

Good news for my investments.

Maturity are soon to come.

So does ORD.

Fitness are maintaining well. Running 5KM every now and then with my Doctor. Trying to clock between 15 ~20 minutes @ 5Km. i think it's good enough and running every other 2 days, toning at every other alternate days @ gym.

Otherwise, how to eat more nice and good food?!

Infusion for patients getting more and more skillful esp. after giving medical lessons for the special breed and more and more practice with the no. of patients and casualties from day to day.

shall focus and work hard and smart for the next 3 years.

life is short, live it well.

we don't have much time to lose.

keep learning, don't stop.

Cheers! =)

2010-06-01T23:38:00.003+08:00

as per requested by my dear friends who loves to read on my perspectives on r/s, love etc.

since then, i'm thinking of revamping my whole blog or probably shift to a new one with animations n etc involve, maybe on lifestyles, fashion, food, and human relationships. who knows i may become a celebrity blogger? haha. dream dream. wait till i fully get my laptop fixed, and master dreamwaver with photoshop cs5.

my bro did, i don't believe i couldn't.

give me some time then.

i wanted to keep it simple, but well.. we should get complicated. or life is.. isn't it?

maybe i should ask myself why i should stop typing?

sorry for any tenses and etc for this entry. i kinda cant be bothered to type properly at sucha time.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

在你左右

你是否曾想过你最爱的人欺骗过你吗？

有些人能够很潇洒的拿起让后放下

有些人不管时间过了多久都会怀旧

今天的你属于了那一类型的人?

maybe like what my brother shared with me the other day... humans are never satisfied.

you have been there, always there. there are many little things which you may have done, the efforts, your sweat; your persistence brought you through time. people's lifestyle changes, perspective about many things changes.

things started to be taken for granted. i.e. for the little thing you brought, all your heart and soul was probably a token hoping that this little gift would be a charm to protect the dearest one you love. yet, you probably seen it chucked aside. disappointed?

i was kinda chatting with L, then i was mentioning about this bag of greenbeans which my grandma probably gave it to be while i was young. till today, it's still in my couple, power rangers pencil case, envelopes and etc. even say stickers, which i probably used a few, i would at least keep the last one just to remember that it was once grandma/aunt who brought me. today when i see it, i'll remember who has given me what, though the place/date that is probably not recorded.

many of us love to receive surprises, love and etc. immediately, we were touched by what's given to us. (we're all visual creatures) however, why not have the image that flashes in your mind; how has he go about doing so? how was his effort? how did he do it? even for the simplest thing that he has done, say packing meals and etc; have you thought about the long queue/waiting time, how he has travel just to deliver it to you?

i'm not trying to ask you to weigh or calculate love for all that you've given.

love is about appreciating, isn't it? sometimes or often than not, when it has been there, always there; every little thing was forgotten/not seen. we don't often remember the good little things such as the aforementioned. so i hope those who are in love, sees this.

we probably remember those impactful ones, hurtful ones, BIG surprise one.

you know when do man start to feel tired about r/s? when he/she has given all, but least feel appreciated at the end of the day. energizing man to do things for you is easy, but you got to get your language right.

有人说你越恨就是越爱.

weird huh? sometimes we're so blinded by hatred which was cause by another party that we actually forget how much we do actually love them.

could you ever recall how the soul that was joined so fully as one? the trust, the bond, the TRUE love that was built over time.

mind you, no one enters the stage of TRUE love till about 3-4 years and more. And, you'll experience, "fall in love" with your partner again. only then, it'll be even more beautiful. only when more hurdles are crossed, differences are brushed, only then it'll evolve, yet still knowing how to appreciate one another. otherwise, the first 3 years are probably still on discovering process, where lust and passion are still burning HOT.

when you first truly love someone, it isn't about his/her looks, it isn't about his/her talents or capability. you fell in love with his/her flaws which looks so beautiful to you.

you don't nor can you love someone ALOT everyday. you love someone a little more each day, and you love him/her more or less on different days. you'll always think about him/her irregardless of where you are; your concern and curiosity about him/her despite time & place.

what has your mind deny you of, today?

the day your wife die, only then she's called yours.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S will hate me for the next part. but i'll only reflect the truth about reality.

when you're in love, you feel butterflies in your stomach, but words play the part.

when you never thought that there's an ending, we forgot that passion dies.

i believe actions through time speaks louder than words and even beliefs.

today if a girl were to leave her BF for me, she will do so once again.

however, women do love men to sweet-talk them. only then they feel they are loved.

yet, at the end, they are the ones who will hurt you most. sad, but it's a fact.

today, you may think why am i not entering one? i know my time hasn't come, i've got 8 years long to chose or even more.

when you enter one r/s, it isn't about trial an error, it isn't about filling your void. it's when you know you will love and care for that someone despite health and wealth, this life-time.

somehow, i made pretty much good girlfriends whom i can often chat with.. be it phone/sms/msn. And i mean i do really take them as FRIENDS and no other intentions.

love is a natural occurrence process. don't have to find nor look for it.

time is still early. you'll have the best to come. =)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

爱情是撒旦送来的礼物

拆开之后

你的人生就陷入万劫不复

爱情是毒菜穿的糖衣

甜美的包装不是致命的危机

爱情是残酷的游戏

当你好不容易鼓起勇气

付出真心的时候

再一次让你陷入失望的绝境

真心是笑话
勇气是废话
坚持是鬼话
忠贞是梦话
幸福是屁话

一生一世的相恋或许只是出现在言情小说里面的情节...

have i satisfy your appetite?

basic military talk is on episode 4 now. mine is probably 6/7... still a long way before the video surfaces. =.=

2010-05-28T17:06:00.002+08:00

单纯很难, 我当然都明白

我不懂

为什么真心换来的是谎言

付出换来的却是伤害

所以

我不再相信爱情

或许害怕付出自己的感情

我不相信世上有什么所谓的真爱

一生一世的相恋

只是出现在言情小说里面的情节

爱情只是一个短暂的游戏

它是撒旦送来的礼物

拆开之后你的人生就陷入万劫不复

当你好不容易鼓起勇气付出真心的时候

再一次

让你陷入希望的绝境

如今每一段恋情的开始, 你是否想过结局会是怎样?

努力的把一切的我都遗忘

我留下的是美丽的瞬间...

我曾拥有的是最初的美好...

2010-05-14T22:41:00.002+08:00

我喜欢,不我爱/Piano Version

我喜欢你的眼看着我的眼
我喜欢你的脸贴着我的脸

时间在改变我不会改变
因为我很爱你不想要你放弃爱情
这种默契带来不易

我爱你真的是很爱你
说一声
把整个世界都给你~

2010-03-03T00:10:00.000+08:00

truth & lies/ expectations vs habits.

somehow these few days, few or rather 2 women happen to "su ku" to me.

C was telling me over the phone how selfish she probably feel her boy is, probably to a point where the man say, he couldn't breathe. yet, she ain't restricting him from doing anything. i pondered about mine then...

"he didn't understand what love is", it's about compromising & accomodating.

so i thought about dates which i had, which probably mid-way... snapped and we got to leave the restaurant for some other purposes.

so she talks about her little family issues and linking to why can't the man understand.

man are no doubt childish to a certain extend in r/s. it's dependent on what ways and how. some may feel comfortable, doing a little childish things to probably make the r/s fun and doing this in inappropriate times probably irritates the women. some men can be childish as bringing up petty issues and quarrels.

let's not be sexist and take what a man should do or what a women should do. because, whatever that's done should be coming naturally from the heart. no expectations. we're all humans ain't we?

we have mood swings and that's what a r/s is for, to be there for one another. have you ever feel when you're single and when you have a mood swing, all that you could probably be moody towards to, is just yourself?

had a chat with a NSmen who's 27. heard stories about his life. so talking about his r/s... he was dumped and patched when he was serving his NS. no doubt was the lady who cheated though. he loses faith in r/s, thereafter going one after another. currently he has one for 3 years.

out of curiosity, i ask... have you ever been honest about your past?

he said, "no".

for the past 3 years, there wasn't any honesty. yet he said he regretted going on with so many flings just for the feeling of company. and he told me, sometimes your maturity comes later. and sometimes after sometime in life, then you start to regret some of the decisions you actually made.

i realized, sometimes i think too far. yet, probably some people don't.

sometimes i wonder, in your life, you're faced with putting on a mask daily. yet, when supposedly love is what you think about is innocent, you're actually blinded by the lies that lie behind.

so from the conversation, i made an observation in comparison to mine, or rather perhaps it's an common case...

your girl just finished her lessons, she expects you to pick her up.

he said he was tired, so he didn't say he was tired. he said that he's not free and needs to work overtime.

so we did conclude, if we were to say i'm tired... she'll take it as you're lazy to pick her up etc etc etc. at that moment, we just couldn't give that little love and understanding.

sometimes, expectations becomes a habit. and till the day when you gotta really lose that habit, your expectations became your desperation of wanting that habit back.

when we were all young and innocent, we know what we want. yet, as we grew older we forgot what we want.

sometimes, we do not have time to lose. we'll never know what's gonna happen the very next day if we never know how to cherish the one we love.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

anyway, i was informed by C that L had shown mindef lady on the episode i filmed. the comment given was, i was really good looking. =.=

i wonder if it's aunty who said that, because it's usually the aunties who comment about me.

i think the video gonna be up soon? till then, i guess i'll be expecting many critizism...

2010-02-28T03:52:00.002+08:00

hot summer days.

we've complicate love ourselves?

we did, making rounds, making turns.

reality sets in over time and we forgot about the simplicity of hugs, kisses and love; someone whom you could connect with.

he wants simple, she wants simple. yet, we think in complexity in a different frequency.

sometimes, we're all waiting for the TIME.

sometimes, we do not know when the deadline will come.

OPPOSITE SEX.

thinking, words are always on a contradictory.

mind and heart ain't connecting. the sexes ain't connecting as well.

however, love isn't perfect. it's hurtful, it's everything you've got to risk.

it's cracked up into pieces, but yet you can always piece it back without realizing it.

today, what's with us?

i could decipher, i could guide others fairly well.

yet, i couldn't get mine right.

2010-02-24T00:35:00.001+08:00

简单

finished "海派甜心".

其实爱可以很简单. 不是吗?

或许, 现实上是个不可能的梦.

anyway, i do not why i'm into drama recently. especially i didn't expect myself to watch 海派甜心 after 下一站, 幸福.

in the 1st place, i didn't like the image of Luo Zhi Xiang and the act cute Yang Chen Ling and the so called Taiwan idol drama. perhaps, out of curiosity... like why so many people are into the show？

then i realized, it's actually quite good.

the start was funny, subsequently there were quite a no. of touching scene at the back. short & sweet, total of 14 episode.

下一站, 幸福 not much like a common Taiwan idol series. many emotional scene, many good sentences to ponder about... but maybe a little draggy. and if you probably "chiong" one shot, you can get ready a few tissue box.

now became one of those whose addicted to the song "雨爱".

=.=

and every story has it's meaning.. i mean i do not know how to pen it all down at one shot about how i feel towards certain things which i've watched. perhaps when i come across again, then some cross referencing.

2010-02-23T23:30:00.000+08:00

勇气

2010-02-22T23:30:00.001+08:00

suppressed uncertainties

no doubt, it was all the jealousy.

no doubt, it was all the disappointments.

leading to mistrust, fear.

bursted.

i was just being myself.

if every woman needs to be respected, then...

every man has their pride.

baby, sorry.

当你爱一个人

你会担心
你会在乎
你会关心
你会因为他而烦
你会因为他而生气
你会因为他而伤心

只有他.

superb tired today. x.X

2010-02-21T04:35:00.001+08:00

担心

mid way of "海派甜心". not bad, it's funny and a little touching. still, i think "下一站, 幸福" is better.

one of the episode got me recall the time when i was really worried, i kept calling but no one picked up. ended up, she was hospitalized due to accident. as i watch, i laughed to myself...

had some conversation with P. i guess i've became a r/s consultant.

many a times, as time pass by, we forgot how or what make us admire and appreciate our spouse very well. no doubt, the love hormones are kicking in place, and when you hit the sweetest part of your r/s, that's where the hormones are drained concurrently as well. when it ended or when you feel like ending it, you probably couldn't understand why you feel that way.

overtime, flaws get magnified and something which you probably start to feel irritated by. as said, everyone has to understand the evolution of a r/s, stagnancy is a natural process which you need to accept, and it requires consistent effort.

each r/s when you end, somehow or another you feel the regrets later and probably out of guilt for the promises which you once made and failed to fulfill. it's something which you probably can't hide.

a long term r/s is sth a couple should be proud of, because it's love through time.

yet, somehow i do not how to untie mine.

as i observe and listen,

其实初恋是最珍贵的. 因为他的开始是当我们的心最纯真的时刻. 尤其是他教了你如何去爱一个人.

有很多人往往进入了下一段感情的时候, 往往还是忘不了. 而选择了离开, 到了最后还是后了悔.

我爱听你对我唱着歌的声音
我爱在焰火下与你相吻的瞬间
我爱你与我吃最爱口味冰欺凌的感觉

当你每晚入眠时, 想起的会是他
当你一睡醒时, 想念在你床边的人会是他
在白天的时候偶尔也会想起.. 他.

其实一切都因为爱还存在...

2010-02-17T03:10:00.001+08:00

busy.

cny has been pretty packed up this year. had been the "duty driver" for my family the past few days, rushing from places to places. it's indeed very tiring. each day i'm home abt 3-4am, and waking up at 9 plus 10, dozing off at relative's place from time to time.

cny brief.

rental was made the very last min. and shockingly, i got a manual car. i cursed and swear to my buddy, because it was so last minute then i knew that it was manual. nevertheless, i've got to make do with it and adapt to changes.

the start got my palms all sweaty. engine got stalled at traffic lights like 2-3 times, reverse gear can't be pulled in because there's this gear 6, and you got to lift up the safety catch to go into reverse. all these happened on my way home.

so i practiced a few rounds down my block and get myself familiarize. later in the evening after reunion dinner, sent grandpa and aunty home successfully without any issues.

now i'm HOOKED to driving manual if i'm NOT tired & NO jams. it's NOT fun holding to half clutch during jams.

anyway had quite a bit of black jack fun at JK's house on CNY 1st day, all the way at CCK till late. i had like 5-6x blackjack. i was even interviewed by JK's mum and aunties. =.=... like they seriously need a son-in-law or sth. they even questioned JK why never introduce me to her sister who's like 22 going 23. n yea, JK is my man, younger than me, 18/19 i think.

2nd day rushed through the visiting, and some walking with family. therefore celebrate J's bday at K with the rest. played blackjack as well, but lost this time.

3rd day, which is today. had some fun with texas poker and a little blackjack. got me recovered abit. phew. and now, just came back from some chill out. in 4 hrs time, i'll be in for work then. seems like the highlights are gambling.

shagged.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

the fall.

P asked me, if she had a fall how would you response?

i replied, "i would ask how she had her fall? where she injured herself? and how serious is it? after meeting her, i would ask how or take a look at how it was, help her rub, or give a kiss on her wounds."

she replied, "i got nothing out of all these. only dots from his text message. and he took sometime to actually ask me how it was after the dots"

she told me she felt very disappointed.

and i wonder if i can been too caring? O.o

and so i told her, don't compare me to your partner. i mean, if you compare, all you face would all be disappointments. so why disappoint yourself?

i mean if you love somebody, you would lover his/her everything. actually, it's irregardless of how he/she treats you.

and on his part, he's probably looking at his wild cards. does this mean this r/s is facing a danger? probably since it has been 2-3 years. passion seems to be diminishing. and yeah, a guy could probably love a lady for 3-4 years at max.

what happens if he still loves you after that time frame? does that exceed the meaning of true love?

it seems like it's always the case where, the more you love, the more he/she will leave. the harder he/she is able to get, the more you love. when you got ditched, you probably dying to have him/her back. when the dying part stops, then probably out of the blue, he/she wants you back.

don't judge how much you can love somebody. the amt of love holds no boundaries. don't weigh love with reality, you'll never be able to feel it. love can't be kept consistent, amt is undefined at everyday, every part of your life.

it's just about, as long as you still love him/her and you hope to have him/her in you life , walking the journey isn't it?

why complicate the word L-O-V-E?

i don't know what's holding me back.

maybe, i'm afraid.

2010-02-13T04:30:00.001+08:00

contradictions vs fire/ appreciation.

sometimes, women are seriously very contradicting as of i observe verses some personal past experiences.

as a guy...

when you plan, they may find that everything is pre-planned.

when you don't plan, they find you not putting any effort, boring, no longer interested, and probably tired of the r/s as they assume.

when you didn't say she changed..

she said: you say i've changed what..

in the first place, they probably tell you "i'm already gone", doesn't that imply that the old you, or the one you knew has gone?

end up, i probably have to say something understanding, to feel for her... "i know you didn't, you're hurt, you're disappointed, you didn't meant to say anything as such.." and they probably start sobbing.

of course, i mean it, and not just trying to make her feel better by lying.

sometimes... man just keep guessing, guessing.

perhaps, we no longer could feel those feelings we could where someone could make our blood rush when we see him/her. probably because our hormones has changed as we grow older.

probably we're no longer seeing love, because we're weighing so much of reality (family, financially, status, values etc etc) with love.

so how can true love be felt?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

appreciation.

i'm not flirting. and i didn't.

so C said i'm damn funny. i don't know if she does mean it, but she say she do.

and i don't know how i did manage to make her kept saying i'm damn funny.

maybe i sounded stupid? =X

so as i replied,

i thought i was a boring guy since the day she probably chose to leave.

so yeah, she said i wasn't. and she never thought of me as an uninteresting guy.

so as i mention a little about the past,

i'm claimed to be sweet.

i thought i probably didn't put enough effort through the years.

after some conversing, she said i could still remember so clearly.

of course, everything is as still vivid.

i guess i've done enough, with a sincere heart through the years.

no matter how busy i was, i always manage to fork out time to do the many things i could.

be it sending french toast, be it washing the whole car all by myself, be it tidying the drawers or cupboards, surprise flowers/chocolates, the TLC i gave when it comes to being sick, the dedication of song when a liveband is performing, be it the many help i could give to the family or the one i truly love, be it the many sweet things i could have done with my heart or think of at that point of time (of course i'm better filled with even more ideas now). and it was despite work which starts as early as in the early morning like 7am to school, doing these in the noon or in between hours before going for tuition sessions.

at the end, this r/s is considered as not worth to stick to, as claimed by others. or actually, "there are many better guys out there".

yeah, i'm not any one of the better ones. perhaps, i've never been good enough.

probably even lazy as insulted before.

isn't it?

sometimes i seriously do feel i did enough.

i've tried hard enough to be an all rounder, doing whatever i could.

carry on recalling the things you felt i've not done. or even hide.

no one is perfect, but i've always tried to be.

i may not have the wealth, but a heart.

i know you have too, hence...

that's why i love you.

but

i don't deserve this.

2010-02-11T02:45:00.000+08:00

sweet.

thank you L for your appreciation and comment on my previous post.

anyway, lecture was successfully conducted with some sweat at MPH.

fun.

my voice can be loud still, yet the stamina for lasting seem to be lost.

probably i've spoiled it last time.

somehow every work of mine, end up in some teaching/guiding roles be it in school, temp jobs or whatever work i'm dealing with.

probably except when i was previously in MNC aviation co., it somehow utilized the creative part of me and my com skills.

anyway, while i was at starbucks just now, there was a couple celebrating their v'day in advance.

sweet.

initially, i caught a glance of the man opening the present. out of curiosity, i look further in detail (aka KPO), then it was a nicely done up love diary done up by the lady. bet they've been together a couple of years. so every page were filled with lovely photos and short notes.

the lady tear-ed a little. probably felt the effort she put in, and seeing the appreciation from her bf (looking at it in detail).

love can be simple isn't it? simply at starbucks, exchange of gift to celebrate their love, their journey.

love is about each other, it should be irregardless of reality. don't weigh reality with love. then, you're living superficially.

fire can be difficult to keep up if the other party ain't adding any oil.

ultimately, for a r/s to work, both parties has to be ready to commit for a life time.

it's never about being tired, it's never about giving up.

because biologically we're not built to last.

but we can learn through valuing & appreciating.

it's about learning to give and take, learning to celebrate the journey, it's about standing by, be it the good or bad times, being supportive, it's about the care, concern and love you can give despite illness or wealth.

有时候的我是不是太在乎...

反而,望了自己...

2010-02-09T23:55:00.002+08:00

leaping.

darn. i've got to conduct medical "lecture" tomorrow, as corrected by S while talking to her.

thanks thanks. thank you for being there, giving me support, hearing me.

i really appreciate. =)

just realized i'm conducting for 256 recruits，which is more than my course of 120 people in chem eng.

i was still happily preparing my lesson plan and notes for the 256 of them (mass production) which i think it had never happened before.

kinda get my palms sweaty already at the thought of it.

GODDDDDDDD... so long never do such a thing.

seems like the whole training institute is recognizing me as the senior medic. hopefully, this way, i could get & fight for m,y promotion. my resume will look nicer as well.

recent indent was quite screwed as information wasn't passed down to me.

everyone is begging for my cooperation literally. because i don't accept last minute indent. my man will suffer & me as well... so i don't really like to entertain them.

high key till end of march. x.x

got a no. of personal thanks and appreciation from the instructors/officers today.

feels good.

anyway, got permission that i can whack them at the MPH tomorrow.

anyway, got to hear a bad news about one of my buddy.

sad.

shan't elaborate. but the issue is being unfaithful, not the BGR kind.

sometimes i do wonder if people do value the ones whom they actually had spent most of their time or part of their life with somebody or a family. whereby, he/she could actually standby you, be it the good or bad times together with the family.

or has that been taken for granted?

still looking the that initial rush of "in love" hormones which you would like to feel? if one never understand the evolution of a long term r/s, then i guess every r/s will never seem to work out. then, the love which you probably ended up with, is by chance, timing where it's time to get married, divorce probably happen 20 years later as well.

true love is where when you're so old and wrinkled, you still want to hold her hands.

"living together is like best friends" & only till the last breathe, she is then considered your wife who has walked the journey with you.

true isn't it? because in between, you may just get divorce as well.

no wonder some people have flings and etc.

isn't that a way to cheapen their self proclaim values of love?

yeah, say that i'm conservative.

i'm not liberal.

value & appreciate, time & people.

2010-02-09T10:50:00.002+08:00

19站

我的在乎, 或许就这样...

被遗忘了.

2010-02-08T02:40:00.001+08:00

surge of anger.

i can't sleep.

hence, i'm here, to vent.

right now, i probably have this feeling of taken for granted.

i know it's not right to think that way, it'll probably be against you.

i shan't elaborate.

recall to your best memories.

so do you weigh love with reality (i.e. financial issues, family etc etc)?

today, you may have everything given to you.

you can be gracious.

but at the start, when you had NOTHING, who was there when you needed someone the most?

who was gracious then?

don't always say like i've done nothing, when you only remember/recall what's not done.

i may not be the best, no doubt i did gave my best in ways i could.

humans are forgetful, are we?

i hate this feeling.

you know?

spare a thought, be fair to me.

at the end of the day, your choice of who you wanna walk with till the end.

someone, somebody, be it health or wealth.

i'm so NOT the one. isn't it?

i'm SOOOO INCAPABLE in taking care of someone, somebody.

you see knife piercing through over and over?

it is.

God, you there?

2010-02-07T23:45:00.000+08:00

death.

every post seems so long. and i'm just bragging to myself. hah. anyway...

send 2 REC to the A&E. being a nice sgt, i guess i'm being too friendly? but i still wanna draw some line that they are the REC. in fact, 1 of them is older than me, and the other was the same age. but, i didn't disclose mine.

sound sad, but got to know about this story from this REC who's older than me. he is currently attached thou for 3.5 years? and he said this was his 2nd longest r/s. so out of curiosity, i asked him...

"so how long was your longest?"

"4 years."

"what happen?"

"she passed on in a car accident, by a hit and run driver."

sad. how young she was and yet, died just like that. he took 2-3 years to grief the loss of his love.

so it brought me back on 2012 which i watched yesterday again, the second time.

so the couple which divorced, and later the other (women) moved on to getting married to another... yet, when near death love still came back to the ex husband. or rather is it because it has always been there, but it was never realized and taken for granted?

only when crisis is faced, only then you realize that the person who's always there to go through them with you is missing?

sometimes, instead of feeling taken for granted, why not feel appreciated? because actually people do appreciate, but they often do not talk it out? people are too embrassed to voice appreciation? it's just like, "is the cup empty, or half filled?"

yet, again here, am i finding reasons for myself to feel better?

perhaps, i regard it as a conceptual of mind.

if your suspicions or assumptions gave you reasons to be against the person, then there's definitely hypothesis which you can draw out to actually defend that person and make yourself feel better isn't it?

in the first place, it no assumptions or suspicions were made, you wouldn't need to do the latter.

grandma asked me, "will you cry for me if i die oneday?" back then, i didn't know how to answer. but i said sth like i think i will? because you never thought that you would or could imagine the loss of someone. but when that day came, and i cried badly.

i could still remember for that moment, i wanted to run out of the hospital A&E, non-stop. i couldn't, so i hit the wall of the griefing room very hard, pounding it.

she could have been saved. yet, emergency call was made late, paramedic came late as well.

perhaps, this was a reason why i had became a medic.

perhaps, god heard my cries. "how could.. how could..."

now, at least i know i wouldn't let such a thing happen again to my family or my dearest ones, as long as they are within my reach.

i probably will be stunt, but i wouldn't panick. and i would do the necessary as i could, because time is important. panicking doesn't help. and before i ORD, i'll definitely prepare a rescue set at home. at least, an OPA.

i could still remember back then the playful me, when i wanted to break up, she was the one who taught me how could i treat a girl like that.

then, i learnt how to take care of someone, and overtime, learning to respect, letting go of my pride and ego for r/s; for someone, i love.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

anyway, 2 sets of articles i came across on r/s...

"Can you remember those first few months, when separation from her or him was pure torture? Where there were not two bodies but only a single body with four arms and four legs - no separation of thought, emotion or feelings? You and your partner were truly one.

What caused that! It didn't come from thinking or planning. It came from out of the blue. And not only that, it was so strong that it completely floored you. And right away, perhaps you made the mistake of saying the "you" were in love.

"We" are never in love; love just happens. It comes on it's own and when the time is right, it goes away on its own regardless of how we feel about it. By then, however, commitments are made, social and religious mores are mechanically set into motion, and regardless of how restricted we may feel, or dependent, or attached, or all of the other feelings that arise when the initial intense love feeling goes away - we are stuck.

The arrival of the first child usually wipes out any romantic notions, if they hadn't been crunched already. (Please remember that I am talking about the incredible, impossible to maintain feeling of romantic love, not the mature, almost business-like arrangements of a mature relationship based on mutual trust and compassion for the other person, along with the responsibility of raising children). But the romantic love, at least the way it was first felt, will never come back in exactly the same way.

Some people, understanding this, go from partner to partner never making any commitments because they know that the initial rush of a love affair will die quickly. And when it does, they can then go and find another. Of course, the problem is that like mainstreaming heroin, it takes more and more for less and less, and pretty soon the senses become desensitized and romantic love dies for good regardless of how creative we are in attempting to dredge it back up.

Either way - getting involved in a lifetime commitment based on an initial rush of love, or playing love until it is exhausted - we must eventually settle for second best regarding that tremendous, exhilarating feeling of freedom that maybe once in our lifetime we experienced - that feeling called unconditional love where we would sacrifice our lives, maybe even kill for our beloved. It's hard to fathom that in time, that feeling might change to where we want to kill our beloved!

And this now brings us to the point of discussing feelings.

Feelings come and go, just as thoughts and emotions come and go. When we act on a thought, emotion or feeling, we are responsible for all that washes over us because of that reaction. And usually the aftermath of acting on a strong emotion or feeling is tenfold more disturbing than the initial feeling of exuberance - or anger. There is nothing wrong with the feelings; they just happen. it is what we do with them that matters deeply.

Nature's provision of temporary insanity between lovers insures procreation of the species. However, lovers don't understand this, and when that first moment of boredom comes up in their romantic relationship, rather than accept the fact that the love dream is ending, what do lovers do? They plan out their future! This allays the boredom and allows them to pretend that their feelings of love can continue. This is the first step of delusion. This is where thought takes the place of the real, initial feeling of love, and where a huge displacement of reality takes place.

Then, the relationship, if it continues, becomes more or less a dependency in order to fill a void or hole in each other - all justified by social and religious mores. The couple, still dazed from their initial feelings of freedom, which is love, now buy into the whole scenario of social responsibility. And the divorce rate continues at about fifty percent!

Admitting that a mature relationship has nothing to do with romantic love, and everything to do with mutual dependency (taking care of each other's needs), goes a long way in cementing a long term relationship. So the next time you are about to tell your partner that you love them, simply say instead that, "I depend on you to fill a void in myself, therefore I love myself more than you!" Well, it's true isn't it? If you say no, then you might be in a serious state of denial or delusion!

So, what then is the most important thing in a romantic relationship?

The most important thing in a romantic relationship is understanding how our minds and emotions work. Understanding that all things change. And understanding that whatever we do based on feelings, emotions and, yes, even thought, will more often than not eventually come back around to bite us. But how can we live without feelings, emotions and thought?

Living beyond knee-jerk reactions brought on feelings, emotions, and thoughts is possible; it's called living by insight and wisdom.

And these two, insight and wisdom, are the doors to real, never-ending, unconditional love."

"Many women struggle to understand why their last relationship has failed or how to get back on track in their current one. Too many times we just say that we must have picked the wrong person or we just can not get along with anyone. Many women forget that we have the ability with in ourselves to either make a good decision or a bad one. Of course, women want to make the best decisions all the time. Unfortunately this is not always the case. If you really want to understand why you can't make a relationship work or you are committed to making your current one last, you need to give 100% of yourself to the effort of improving your relationships. You need to be willing to look at not your partner but with in your own self to see what you need to work on.

You need to learn to be much disciplined in regards to yourself. Regardless of your hectic day or how well you slept last night you must constantly be aware of the manner in which you're speaking to your partner. This can be the actual words you say, your tone or your pattern of speech. You need to remember that unprovoked harsh or rude speech is never okay and you have no excuse. You need to not let your anger or annoyance at outside situations bleed into your relationship and cause you to unleash on your partner. While is it part of your partner's responsibility to be your friend and sounding board through tough times, they should never be your emotional punching bag.

Your ego must always come in a distant second to the importance of your relationship. Those couples who have long with standing relationships have let their egos completely go. Many women just like to say that they are stubborn, like it or not. Unfortunately most of the time you will have a partner that chooses the latter. Really what they are being is selfish and inflexible which will only lead to a lonely life. This attitude will turn people away and is the cause of a great deal of issues that happen with in relationships.

Being committed to your own growth as a person can only enhance the quality of your relationship you must know yourself before you can let anyone else really know you. This is done through a constant process of questioning, learning and discovering. Not only about relationships but about how to properly communicate with your partner. You need to be able to really tap into what your partner is feeling instead of being so focused on what is going on your own mind. This will lead to a deep respect for each other that will help in those times when you do disagree. It will enable to work out your differences in a calm, controlled way.

Basically to be able to make a relationship last for the long haul you and your partner need to be a team. Teams stick together until the end of the game and always have their eye on the finish line. The masters of relationships know that it is a continuous process and takes constant work."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

if love happen by chance,

then maintaining needs some work.

giving up, isn't a choice nor a decision.

choice of methods in making it work, should be the way.

sometimes, i have my fear.

这幸福的碎片, 有时候我真的还不知道该怎么捡...

会不会有那么一天, 你会再陪我捡...

2010-02-05T23:30:00.001+08:00

HATE.

i hate people who bullshit about perspectives.

i do hate people doing things behind my back. who doesn't?

but my tummy can be very big in eating bullets.

looking at a different perspective, putting my emotions in their shoes, be self-less.

drop all assumptions & expectations.

show a little more understanding and acceptance.

like what i told my man today?

i seem to manage work issues and r/s fairly well and gave 100% understanding and acceptance. but why not love? it's because i'm more rational and logical when it boils down to work? because i see work as a challenge/problem to solve and not something personal?

for the next few paragraphs, i regard it as an emotional perspective.

vent vent...

no doubt i hate this feeling every now and then. but each time, i find reasons for love, to defend, to give myself more breathing space.

people who doesn't know me well probably thinks that i'm always, or look confident. confidence? i don't have it all the time. i have my fears to a certain extend, and i believe everyone has that, but they don't voice it?

everytime, i feel being hammer down by comments or as what i see. i push myself up again, and to carry on what i hope i could achieve or make it at the end.

in different aspect, being selfish, we feel we did a lot, our expectations grew further, we start to feel unappreciated and to some point, taken for granted.

at one perspective, we may see ONLY what he/she has done, but the other party may not see it and vice versa. we think that it's ONLY what, then... what happens if he/she could do it prolong despite time out of his/her heart or passion?

and i hate those whom try to influence or should it in proper terms; "bullshit perspective", where they themselves actually failed many times without actually working on it, or at least as they claim they believe.

making themselves cheap in their self proclaim values.

sorry that i'm so.. crude.

just... venting.

at least i'm being truthful here. unlike the way people try to put across in hidden feelings.

am i too frank in this post?

100% no reservation.

sorry if i made anyone feel guilty conscious. it's not for you to feel that way, but to reflect.

don't take my honesty/truthfulness for granted as well, cause i believe no one has that courage.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"a moment of truth" as i watched recently, an U.S game show. For 500K, will you reveal the truth about your thoughts/dirty/kinky/ sorry things you did before behind your wife's back or your unrevealed past which you think you shouldn't have said and just get married?

simple as it seems, but contestant struggles to speak.

this would probably make your r/s or your family flip totally! and the detector is just in your hands, analyzing you.

so you see married man whom they did the many sad and sorry things behind their wife's back.

yet, years back... "oh, i was so madly deeply in love with him... he's so truthful... i'm gonna marry him!" CHOP! you're so cheated.

"my lies passed with distinction." =.=.. man are bastards isn't it? but that's what probably made women love them more?

ironic. when you're in here, you feel this way. when you're out, you feel the other.

hence, know where your contentment lies clearly.

for money or for love?

to sustain love, you hide, you chose to keep.

for money, you chose to make the love you sustain, cry or even tear.

why can't people be truthful at the start?

any reasons for the choice you made?

r/s when it hit about an average of 7 years, it means boredom to people.

it's also termed "the 7-year itch". & a man could sustain his passion for someone he love, 3-4 years. hence, i guess not many man could actually love a person that long?

till now, i'm still ask myself why, and why couldn't it be stopped.

i could find a thousand reasons why i hate you. yet, i couldn't find any reason in loving you. is that why?

damn. myself.

2010-02-03T23:00:00.000+08:00

meeting agenda.

after much meeting with dad, the path which i wanna take is more or less settled.

after much discussion and analysis of financial issues, overseas to UQ is out.

estimated of 100k for 2 years could probably buy me a car then.

hence, i guess taking a part time degree/degree in nus would be the choice.

in 3.5 years of studies, if i manage to clinch a good paying job, and taking a part time degree in my field of specialization, then i guess working at the same time, & gaining of work experience would be beneficial.

as i look over job opening recently, a dip. holder working as a sales engineer would get probably abt 2.7K? i guess in my industry, at least i could get about 2K since i've finished my NS? shipping companies are paying pretty much as well, and there are various openings for that.

afterall my experience at HR, it's work experience that counts. a degree is basic, and it shouldn't be a lousy degree.

by the end of 3.5 years, my pay would estimated to be the same or even more than the starting pay of a full time grad who just started working?

if tuition is squeezable into my daily schedule, i guess it shouldn't be much of a problem.

then travelling schedules would be pretty hectic then. and dad has agreed to support me a car to reduce time for travelling then. hence, squeezing tuition in would pretty much cover up my monthly expenses like petrol, parking and etc which i've got to pay for myself. and that's provided if my perm job pay is lousy.

and the cost of my degree inclusive of car, would definitely cost less than 100k? very soon, i guess mum would be working full-time, bro will be going army.

and let's hope my sis would be going to JC, and expenses would be even much lesser in the coming 3 years, at least till i finish my degree. her grades has been like 5-6As out of 8 subjects.

edu funds are also up next year, and can be withdrawn very soon. financially studying in singapore would be less stressful for my family as well.

students whom i use to teach 2 years back before i enlist, are now secondary 3/4. some NA are gonna be sec 5, and recently i'm in contact with them again. hopefully, they would need some guidiance for their BIG exams in the next 2 years and will look for me.

tuition for me will limit to sec 3 to sec 5. and i guess i should start trying to teach pure physics and chem, since i'm already a chem eng poly grad. these levels are much easier to teach, and i'm able to communicate and touch their hearts better.

and if i'm still jobless after ORD, i should tentatively go back to secondary school to teach and know more students while looking for a job. of course, as of now, it's time to be busy with updating of resume, sending resume for potential job openings, getting of testimonials from my doctors, and sending of university application in the coming 2 months.

i guess part time in b.tech NUS (chem eng) shouldn't be a problem? most of my course mates manage to get it. and thank god that i chose a versatile course to further in various industry, be it sciences, engineering or business.

this course in nus is pretty good, which i consider it a stepping stone to get my masters. meanwhile, freelance/short/mid/long term investment will always be on a lookout for.

after my degree, i would bang around in the industry for some years before i probably (get married or not), get my masters (before or after marriage), and bang around again to see if i'm able to climb the cooperate ladder and make it BIG then.

by 30s, if nothing seems to get any better/stress level is too BIG or when i no longer wish to take on high stress level, then.. i'll go to some polytechnic and be lecturer. hence, a masters is a need for teaching in tertiary level... (and it doesn't matter if i get it before or after i got married).

teaching has been my passion anyway.

so what risk am i taking in my life? a route which probably i may not waste too much time, and not be fully into investments as well. because i'll always bare in mind the level of risk on a full time scale basis. as long as earnings are sufficient, some investments are made, then, financial worries shouldn't exist.

and hopefully when i'm in my late 30s, i'll be then able to share some business with a friend which i can call it my own.

a nice condo, a car or 2 should be achieveable.

life seems to be getting shorter.

soon, we'll be hitting our 30s.

so i guess the path is set.

what a long break i had theese almost 1 year 10 months.

since 17, i hadn't had a break eh?

6 more months to get everything started, to get life as busy as what i use to have before i was enlist. still remember i had school/work in the day, afternoon tuition/night tuition, sending french toast during/meet lunch, picking up later after work.

sweet? lovely? busy?

i say, blissful.

humans are not built to sustain in long term relationship due to our hormones. starting a new r/s may be fresh and hormones enhancing, but how long does it last?

some people could give up their 4-5 years r/s and regret later, yet probably trying to find someone who's replaceable after sometime. they lose faith, so they begin having one short r/s one after another.

worthiness can only determined by both of us.

to me, i know this story is worth continuing because..

if it's determined as unworthy, not worth holding onto, then i guess many do not understand that a r/s is about trying non stop, giving chances and opportunities. a cracked up r/s which has been through storms over time should be something we're proud of.

i probably could find a thousand reason why i hate you, but i couldn't find any reason why i still love you, despite the number of years and i guess i've never failed to do the sweet little things i could/should? and i've never treat it as i could or i should, it's always out of my heart.

have i truly failed?

but if we're able to go through so much in life, be it the good and bad, be it the happiness and sorrows, it means something isn't it?

recently as i watched ren ci's charity, i see old couples taking care of one another, despite illness or wealth.

爱是那份包容,
爱是那份坚持...

当你认定了她是你最后的目标的时候, 想陪着她一起努力, 她却选择了离开...

想陪着你, 一起努力的你, 又去了那里?

时间过了那么久,

你给了机会吗?

2010-01-31T01:00:00.002+08:00

记得

while sorting out files,

正好当我感觉心灰意冷时, 我的信念再次勇敢的坚持了下来.

眼泪也不知不觉的流了下来

memories too much isn't it? from new year, chinese new year, x'mas, v'day, birthdays, graduations, outings, dates, funerals, performances, hospital trips, overseas trips, every single part of good and bad times of life... are they suppose to be named "thick & thin"?

过去你哭红了眼眶, 告诉我, 你受了伤.

从此, 我第一次想好好珍惜一个人, 第一次想为了她; 让自己变的更好, 因为我相信这世界还没有太烂, 我可以陪着她一起努力, 不让任何人再伤害她.

因为她受伤太久了.

荣华富贵, 我或许没有.

但简单的幸福与真心是我能够给的

也是我曾给你的承诺.

想陪你一起努力

你会愿意吗?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

当你累的时候, 会想起了谁?

当你入睡前, 你又会想起了谁?

不说是因为害怕, 而心里的最深处, 会是那心跳, 对你说: "..好想.. 好想..".

好想的是那份依赖...

那熟悉的双手替你按摩
那熟悉的脸孔可发牢骚
那熟悉的味道在你身边

抱着你睡着...

如今的你在害怕的是什么?

能不能别想太多.

我可以, 陪着你走.

2010-01-28T01:20:00.000+08:00

finally done with the audit, ending it with rectification follow up.

moreover, i had to entertain the auditors rather than my officer who should appear.

nevertheless, deduction of 15 points from the final results.

i guess i've done my best for the medical centre compared to the previous batch which i heard they got deducted over 30 plus closing 40.

it's not easy coordinating all the various departments in details especially as a NSP, noob towards audit for a medical centre.

i just kept running through to push each department to make sure they've done their part.

still, loop holes and the very minor stuff are inevitable.

however, i feel satisfied. because it's not suppose to be my job handling audit, yet i'm doing so.

it's like a regular job. being an acting senior medic aka IC for this organisation and unit isn't that simple with limited manpower. yet, paper workload is the same as how other medical centre runs.

good experience though. at least i know what are the gritty gritty details they look out for when it comes to audit, and how the system links and telly with the paper work.

with some last minute impromptu, some sense, some logic, some help from my man, some talking (aka flirting power with the auditor, which i can't imagine myself doing it for the sake of MARKS), i manage to smoke and squeeze some more points for my medical centre.

and i can't imagine myself being flirted back. the thought of it, is just.. =S

hah, you think i like it? feels like selling my body/looks or something. =.=

whatever it is, it's over. hopefully, they can score a silver, where the previous years they only got bronze or pass.

it's just like how i pushed my secondary school back in NCC days for Gold Unit. but back then, i conducted more trainings and more hardwork than using my brains & mouth. but perhaps that was a different working environment.

as time goes by, i feel more appreciated, more respect, more bonding, more trust and confidence from my man.

they have not doubted whatever i told them to do so. i feel they know for some reason why i do certain things in a certain way when they're told.

coming over here, was the right decision i made back then when people wanted to keep me.

decisions i made be it on studies, or whatever i want to commit, have never been a regret i suppose?

"if you've never given time, if you have never given opportunity, a chance or a risk, you never know what more magical moments you could create. ups and down are inevitable, it should be learned to be acceptable. affection can never be kept consistent or keep developing more isn't it?"

"only when you lose, then you found (realize) what you've lost."

will time then be too late?

connect me with your heart, baby.

2010-01-27T00:50:00.002+08:00

亲人

心里很沉重, 这样做, 是在伤害自己?

thanks, thanks for everything.

i'm glad, i'm remembered.

如今, 你爱上了她的全部.

将心比心, 不知不决的把他们都当成了亲人.

有一天, 你所想要发生的事, 变成了不可能.

心里最害怕的事, 发生了, 会又如何?

你我都很清楚, 害怕的是那永远所可能失去的.

害怕再次受到伤害.

如今这选择是爱的考验, 还是...天啊! X.x

"the affection is gone when you need it the most. by the time you found it back, will it be too late?"

what have you thought about?

or are we running faster and away more than before?

但是在休息后, 我们还不知道继续走的理由.

心里沉重, 有点灰, 害怕.

但是只限在今天.

爬起来, 再走, 一定行.

2010-01-25T23:00:00.000+08:00

much feelings, many thoughts.

看了每一集, 都很有感觉.
是因为伤口还没复原, 还是因为这部戏感人肺腑?

已经第十七站, 陪着.. 让眼泪再次的从心里的最深处发泄而出..

Anyway, this is one of the OST:

Still, the 2 x 10 Minutes of the episodes which was posted earlier, definitely brought out the feelings.

Feeling of love?

Today, have I forgotten or no longer how to? I've communicated less with my family, many thoughts are probably shared with different friends. And everyone has different parts of my story, my feelings, my thoughts.

Hah, probably only this blog of mine, gives everything, or perhaps not. Because I don't blog every minute. I remember how I use to just.. SMS someone, the moment I felt any emotions in my daily life.

The feeling of sharing with someone who knows you clearly?

There's no longer just someone, who knows every part of you.

否说爱情不再是热情时, 诚实, 是最后一道防线.

今天有个诚实的心在守护着这份爱

难道选择对你不曾有任何隐瞒的我

是大家所认定的不值得吗？

不值得, 不是任何人所可说的

因为他们连这份感情, 所经历过的所有都不知道.

那何有资格去评论呢?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

翻了翻旧物

在第二年的冬天, 也是庆祝我们的日子

你写了, "一起走到最后".

曾有过的真心与甜蜜, 仿佛像是昨天.

回忆乃然清晰可见.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Love is never perfect; it's all cracked up that makes it perfect.

It just means never fail to try, never stop trying.

True love needs to go through storms. Only then, this love is unique with it's very own characteristics filled with cracks.

Just like watch, the scratches you created gave an unique character of the wearer. Being perfect, would lose it's uniqueness no matter how expensive it can be.

Someone told me that as friends, we'll always have reserves. Others will never truly grasp what you are. True, I see it for myself.

Everyone lives on superficiality.

When you have nothing, will there be someone who still walk with you no matter how long the road may be?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

有人说爱是互相依赖..

而我说是..

互相填满在现实生活上所缺乏的真实感..

第十八站: "如果你愿意, 我希望我们能找回六年前的我们, 全心全意, 只为了对方而存在".

2010-01-20T23:00:00.001+08:00

small small world.

so yesterday, lying on the resuscitation bed was my old friend's BF. seen him probably months back in this unit, but i couldn't be bothered to say hi. i mean, people probably doesn't know me.

and probably this was my first time being a medic, seeing a man screaming in pain, tears in his eyes. these are a special breed of people, i do not know for some reasons, they decided to join, and undergo the selection.

whatever selection it is, it's highly confidential.

so i'm saving my butt.

panting half naked after a basketball match, i went in like "oh!" it's him in my mind.

doc wasn't around.

my man were all panicking from his screams. =.=

& so i've got to be in total control of situation.

and i kept telling myself that in my mind.

in my mind i was snapping fingers and asking myself what's next to instruct them each split secs.

today, i'm confident again just like what i use to be, to be calm and cool with situation & perform under stress.

i was even standing half naked out there, explaining the various rational calmly to 2 crabs with just 3 strips.

maybe it's a blessing in disguise or it's fated that god wants me to learn these characteristics through this vocation.

because in the past, i get "gan chiong" easily, and more often than not, my brains get stuck and i probably screw up exam papers/pissed people off.

i'm able to give clear and precise instructions to my man, telling each individual what to do and get things done ASAP in a chaotic situation where everyone crowd around doing probably 1-2 things, trying to help one another.

so in such a situation, i introduced myself: eh, you're XXX's BF, ok, chill & relax, i'm her ex school mate. (while putting on BP cuff on his hands).

saved his life? nope. WE have stabilized him then.

people here are asking me to join them and as the special breed, and not just the normal breed in this unit. =.=

sadly, i'm color blind. =D

if it was the younger him, he probably would. Because he's was harsher and will do for the sake of adventures.

Now, i'm more rational with reality in place.

Seems like SIM-biz is the next IN thing.

Singapore is so gonna be filled with SIM-biz students, like a next Diploma equivalent cert.

Pay is not gonna raise very much nor high, because it has became a norm.

Applications are gonna be open for the various Uni.

Time to get busy and update my dusty resume.

And I'm so gonna ask those Doctors I know to write me GOOD testimonials.

NUS - B.Tech (Part-Time)
NUS - Biz
NTU - Biz
SMU - Biz? AGAIN?
PSB - Chem?!
UQ - Chem Eng
Melbourne - Biz???

This cage is so gonna open after 6 months.

A BIG leap then.

Biz is too norm.

And I guess I would leave here.

To forget?

Or will you come with me then?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I knew it will come.

I predicted it.

I told you.

Yet, I couldn't stop time.

After a hard time in my TENTATIVE career the past months,

I love my job now.

I save, I plan, I lead.

Ensure success for everything I fight for.

I'm not normal and doesn't belong to norm stream.

I don't listen to what others says.

I don't follow what they told me.

I've my thinking, I follow my heart & brain.

I know what's worth and what's not, and not determined by what they say.

An all rounder is a Special Breed in his ways.

2010-01-18T22:00:00.000+08:00

我以为

当初你哭红了眼眶
还记得你的寂寞..
还记得你的害怕..

还记得当你病时
照顾了你整晚
半夜喂你吃药
帮你换上你头上的补
看着你睡着..

如果他们说不值得
是因为他们都没经历过我们的故事

笑我傻, 但至少我知道一切都值得

我们对彼此的付出
是与其他人都不同

2010-01-16T05:00:00.001+08:00

感觉

眼泪带表着心里存在的爱

回忆在脑海里不断的倒带

2010-01-16T03:26:00.003+08:00

10 minutes

2010-01-15T23:59:00.002+08:00

简单的一句

生日快乐.

Last.

2010-01-14T23:59:00.002+08:00

cloudy moody moldy cold. (try rhyming it!)

this post is meant before the clock strikes 12, because i didn't have the time to blog about what happen today. and i wish to keep it only on this day. =)

today, after so many long years, i verbally, finally fucked my very own man/colleague/friend, in front of all my other man.

and i recommended/made him sign 4x extras, which probably my other officers/sergeants friends have yet to do such a thing.

i guess my tolerance level over the years has really indeed increased a lot. good i would say, i mean, i've learned to deal with things professionally, properly, rather than using anger/authority.

i'm forced to do so. to maintain a certain image as a leader, in order for my people to work better with me.

people have been telling me, i'm so angelic, my tummy has been big enough eating bullets.

burst it baby. i burst, to maintain image as a leader before people think that i'm really a fucked up one/not worth to be a specialist of the organization.

i probably had converted the anger which i had on my other work, at the moment on him.

for once, after so long, i got back to years ago where i fucked cadets right on the face.

good job.

thinking back, it was thrilling.

actually, i don't or never get stress with work. if i am, it's only a moment of time where i'm pressed. otherwise i'm cool, unless i'm mugging for a paper tomorrow.

over the years, i've learned the different form of leadership styles. personally, prefer the softer approach, because i know these would actually would make a deep impact in other's life.

yet, my man reminded me, sometimes when you're too nice, people take you for granted.

they forgot the many things which you did for them. they forgot the word "appreciate". contented? satisfied?

actually, i would rather make more friends than i fucked someone and ended up losing contact after my work/ end up being not being very close friend.

sad, but yet i gained this sense of satisfaction from my work finally.

so, ended up i feel quite mixed up again.

nevertheless, it was a good experience, it probably got back that some part of me.

gotta strike a balance.

and thank you my friend for being there for me whenever i needed someone to listen to me.

i appreciate it. being a listener ain't easy eh.

thank you for your encouragements, your advises, and your visual ears.

谢了朋友!

让我们大家都一起加油!

想起过去种种的波则
原来大家都有对人与事
不同的对待与面对

不是逃避
而是在于各人的本性

但大家都没错
只是不懂得包容彼此的不同

还是不懂为什么
"不作朋友" 的 "作" 为什么不是 "做"!

time to think about it.

interesting.

2010-01-12T22:00:00.000+08:00

当我们同在一起

会不会有人抱着你对你说
你一定行, 你一定做的到

她不知道
未来和你的路
会有多远
当她对你说
她的眼神
只带着爱

有人说爱是冒险
我们都不知道
未来会带给我们什么
但一路上有你
路不管有多远
都不程觉的寂寞

对未来的展望也更有信心

如果爱一个人就别想太多

只有珍惜现在才能够展望未来

they say life's an irony

when we're in our comfort zone

we wanna risk ourselves to see what change would bring us

we often say we want to look for what we want in life

yet what we're looking for, may not even exist

yet, sometimes we want to feel comfortable.

somewhere where you can snuggle in.

LIFE.

2010-01-12T20:15:00.001+08:00

busy morning.

busy morning planning forecast
shooting emails
receving shots
handled SOB (shortness of breath) case
handled exhuastion (chao keng) case

today i learned to be the a.k.a cool, calm and steady.

supposedly i thought physical exhaustion should be a serious case

so i'm surprise that my reaction was super calm.

i do not know why, but probably i just had my annual medic proficiency test?

or i didn't miss the intravenous yesterday when 2 of my man missed and didn't manage to topo the veins despite the no. of tries? which in turn built up the confidence in me?

when everyone gets panicky,

"take details"
"take parameters"
"doctor standby"
"register"
"standby ambulance"

rubbish. ended up the vitals were quite norm. suspected chao keng. sorry, i feed you biggest needle then.

"fuck, fuck you all"

wow. physical exhausted patient can shout; level of consciousness is high. my man was topo-ing, and i just told them to continue. he might have felt disgusted by the needle under his skin, my man might have feared his shouts and disrupted their focus in looking out for his veins, i maybe a saddist looking. so?

"SGT, cannot. must take out needle."
"nope, try."

actually not very saddist, i just didn't want to poke another big needle into him.

so end up, i've to do it.

"done, please dislodge."

yet, dislodging failed and my vein was missed.

so they poke another.

today, i felt i'm immune.

immune to feelings of others.

and i don't feel as panicky as others, much less a planning of forecast.

if shooting emails and receiving shots seems to be a norm.

fighting politcal wars seems to be a norm as well.

somehow, i'm getting the hang of it, and handling it well.

i feel i've gained respect from my colleagues over time.

perhaps i know what i'm doing and where i'm moving.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

sometimes i feel being an all rounder ain't easy.

sometimes i feel average, sometimes i feel i'm only better in some areas. sometimes i feel i know more in many areas compared to others.

yet, somehow there's nothing i seem to be excellent in.

not just better.

so am i consider average as a average joe?

i play sports, i do shopping & appreciates fashion, i love all sorts of food, i know how to enjoy life yet not forgetting to work hard, i love watching and appreciating dramas/arts/movie/shows/exhibits, i've interest in medical knowledge/health sciences ever since i became a medic specialist, i learn how to train my body despite not being a PTI, i sing kara, i've interest in finance & investments, business, i love to observe and study relationships/characters and behaviors of others, and think alot, i play games but not a good gamer, i love sciences and researching work as it makes me feel more as a rational being, it makes me analytical, i can cook, i know how to go marketing for groceries, i know how to do all sorts of housework.

as a guy, i probably don't play soccer and don't watch soccer, unless world cup.

and of course 1 more which i'm learning.

i've probably covered most aspect.

i've yet to know of any guy friend who do whatever i probably do.

otherwise he would have been my best best buddy then.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

不明了, 不了解

不知为什么突然很有感觉
不了解这是否是欺骗还是逃避

时间过了太久
你都选择了遗忘

别告诉我你曾经所拥有的
我和你之间是我们的故事

难道一份过了真实风雨的感情
就能够让时间带走一切

想了想走过的路
真的很多

今天我的心
灰了
你不明了

选择了遗忘
过去对你的好
让我觉的不如一切

回忆不时浮现在我眼前
你对我的好
我都记得

有人说没做完的梦最痛

你呢？

对不起

但是我不会就这样被他打倒

my sense of direction is always clearer.

i may detour, but i'll never miss my destination.

i always know my path, my roads.

i know my directions, my principles.

my values, my faith, my beliefs.

2010-01-10T15:30:00.001+08:00

mixed.

i don't know how i should express myself in this post.

surprise? disappointed?

i stand clear on my ground firmly.

"eh, you look good"

"what kinda dressing you have?"

"wtf"

"and you're here?"

"shouldn't you be at orchard or sth"

"come, i pay for you"

wtf. it doesn't matter my dressing, it doesn't matter if i'm good looking, it doesn't matter if i'm attached or not!

so while waiting, i chatted with this random guy who brought me a drink.

and i guess he's probably some big shot, which he doesn't want to tell me.

today, i see my friend, who once used to believe in everything, fall.

he's capable. but he loose faith. and so values, principles and beliefs fall.

i shan't say much, but different individual deals with things differently.

just like when in a r/s, i know subconsciously how the world is but somehow i didn't felt very close to what it is.

perhaps like what people say, when you're in love, no matter how ugly/down life is, it doesn't feel as bad? you know there's someone who's there for you, being your support, seeing what you see as one.

man are bastards. and don't judge the looks by its cover.

please test and test man over a period of 5-10 years at different phases of life. man has different faces when it comes to different environment, situations, and different phases of life.

so when women fall in love with bastards, we call these women naive. they love like they never do, and they'll never see/know what their man do behind their back. yet, they call this love? or is it just a cover for reality status? other man then laughed behind the back of these naive women.

sometimes i wonder if people consciously could feel guilt. or has hurt/pain overwhelm the power of even feeling it.

today i stick to my principles, values, beliefs and faith.

sadly, in Singapore's population, the ratio of woman to man is like 6:1. minus bastards, minus those you can't clique even if they're not bastards, minus those probably you can be in a r/s with, but unsuccessful. i guess woman nowadays can't really chose? =X

everyone has flaws, overtime it may magnified. overtime you forgot how to appreciate those points which you may initially appreciate. but how about when we chose to remember and continue to appreciate? only then, r/s can continue to flourish?

if a r/s has gone for a long time w/o you even realizing it, there is a reason which you need to find. and also understanding the fact that for a long term r/s, there's always ups & downs.

as i understood, attraction may be an initial phase of a r/s. and usually they are the honeymoon period. thereafter, it's always the bond of friendship and the many moments which 2 person can create in each other's life.

contentment changes overtime when what you initially wanted is satisfied. man, always failed to learn to be contented.

i'm not contented with my life. but i know when i'll be when i reached my dreams. because, sometimes, it's never ending going after and after many years. does it make your life fulfilling? perhaps everyone has different definition for fulfillment.

don't stop believing, and risk everything.

because you know how true you have felt before.

2010-01-09T20:45:00.001+08:00

The Reason.

I found this article as I was browsing through the net.

Society is confusing us.

It is pretending that attraction is true love.

In addition to this nonsensical myth, we are being taught the lie that marriage should always be filled with the excitement, energy, and elation of the first stage of attraction.

Again, this is a lie. It is not only not true it is a damaging hurtful lie.

Lets look at the truth for a minute.

Attraction is the first stage of a romantic relationship evolution invented to bring people together to reproduce. This stage is quite amazing as we all know. People in this stage are nothing less than obsessed with the object of their desire. There are so many chemicals swirling around in our brains and bodies that it is no wonder many feel like they are on a high. They have more energy, more passion, more creativity. They can think of nothing more than their heart throb.

Yes, most people like this attraction phase. However it was never meant to last more than a year or two. Why? Because it is not in the best interest of individuals or life in general.

What does happen however is something even more amazing. If a relationship is strong enough, couples may move from that initial attraction into bonding and true love.

While not as intense as the attraction phase it is filled with new emotions. More subtle but also more powerful.

This phase is filled with contentment, peace, and joy. It is deeply satisfying and pleasurable, not in quite such an intense and thrilling way but certainly in a powerful and beautiful way.

Now, let us go back to the initial confusing lie we are told... that attraction is love.

Attraction is what brings people together but it really has nothing to do with love. Of course we are often deeply attracted to those we love but it is not the attraction that is love.

Love is the deep care, concern, joy, investment, commitment, appreciation,and sharing of one's life. As we share ourselves with our beloved, as we open our hearts and souls to a receptive holder of dreams, we grow in love.

As a couple unites their desires, combines their efforts, dedicates their lives to each other and their families or common goals, love grows.

Many couples who have been married for most of their lives will tell us that the love has continually deepened as they have matured. They will tell us that the love and attraction they feel in their sixties and seventies is more than anything they dreamed possible in their twenties and thirties.

In other words, love is not that feeling of just wanting to be with someone, love is the strength, union, and emotion that results from uniting, sharing, communing, and embracing our partner.

It is something that grows, develops, and deepens given the investment and care.

Think of it this way, the attraction phase is like planting a seed, and love is that which grows from the seed.

When I hear men and women say that they love their partner but are no longer attracted to them, I often hear, "I don't feel that initial attraction I once felt for my partner, and I want to."

What may be happening is that as the attraction phase ended the relationship did not deepen and grow as it could have. It stopped developing, blossoming, and evolving and therefore is no longer providing the contentment, joy, pleasure that can be profound as a relationship continues.

The answer is not to end the relationship and find another partner who will provide us with that attraction high, because as we all know, that will end as it always does.

The answer is, to invest in the relationship, nurture the friendship, commit to one's life partner, and do everything one can to bring forth the beauty and joy that is only found in truly intimate relationship.

As we release that need for the initial attraction phase and realize that we can have a profoundly deep, meaningful, and loving relationship as we share our lives with our partner perhaps we can embrace the goodness in our spouse, focus on the sharing of lives, and become attracted to the one we love.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

sometimes in reality, i wonder how many of us understand this.

maybe that is a reason why people chose not to hold on, and move on.

at the end of the day, many people around us found themselves getting nowhere.

perhaps this was a reason i found for myself, to hold on, to risk everything.

i chose to remember how true it was since the start.

at least, i know i don't wish to go through other rounds of lies and hidden truth about a partner which i know, i'll definitely have reserve zone no matter how long time may get.

nothing is perfect, so does a r/s. there'll always be ups and downs.

if i clearly recall, the past 6 years wasn't an easy route of brushing differences, and the many magical moments.

and so they say,

Hold On.

These most difficult of life's challenges are the times when we just hold on. It is not easy, it may hurt more than you can imagine, still, you hold on. You will get through it.

Trust & have faith that it'll be stronger.

2010-01-03T23:09:00.002+08:00

human chemistry is define as when somehow, it occurs naturally.

from, http://www.relationship-love.com/advice/body-language/male-and-female-body-language.html

the above sites would provide images on the following sleep patterns.

1.THE LEG LOOP
You're both on your stomachs, sides, or backs and one of you has a leg draped over the other's leg. True, you're touching in only one spot, “but this is one of the healthiest positions, because it shows a couple with a comfortable connection,” says Hargrave. “Not too little, not too much.” The loose leg drape suggests a real friendship. Couples that bond below the hip are also likely to have a practical streak. “You're maintaining contact in the most comfortable way,” explains Pease. “Your legs can touch all night without cramping other parts of your body.” What if your legs are just barely grazing each other rather than looped, in a pretzel-like manner? You're both feeling equally confident about your relationship, Pease says. Just as a couple that really clicks can communiate with one gesture or word, the two of you can say “I love you” with just a brush of your skin.

2.THE OLD-FASHIONED SPOON
You're both on your sides, touching and facing the same direction. This is the most popular position for couples. Some of it has to do with comfort, since most of us sleep better when not face-to-face, breathing on each other, says Hargrave. But this classic pose satisfies more than just a need for a good rest. With its hand-in-glove fit, spooning rates high on the intimacy scale. When you nestle in matching fetal positions, it shows you're being vulnerable with each other and in sync. What's key is who is spooning whom. Though this position is influenced by men usually being larger than women, “whoever is behind protects the other in the relationship,” says Hargrave. “The partner in front may be less secure.” There is an exception: Whoever's holding on tighter is less confident. So if he's behind but clutching you all night, you're his mast in a storm.

3.THE ROAM ZONE
You fall asleep on opposite sides of the bed. Is a crisis brewing? Nah, you're only normal. Most couples say goodnight with a smile, then settle into a more comfy position. (Adults generally move 40 to 70 times per night, as a reflex from their dreams and to avoid cramping.) But if you head straight to your seperate sides without even a passing embrace night after night, you could be having intimacy issues, says Suzanne Lopez, a psychotherapist and author of Get Smart With Your Heart. (Having a big bed is no excuse, say the experts. Connected couples will find a sliver of space to share on a king-size bed, while fighting couples will defy physics by avoiding contact on a single one.) That said, a physical condition – from a slipped disk to an advanced pregnancy – can force madly-in-love twosomes to slumber this way for comfort. Careful, though, or a temp arrangement can become a hard to shake habit.

4.THE BOOTY BOND
You're on your sides, facing away from each other but touching butt-to-butt. What's up with that? Independence alert! Despite the linked derrieres, you're no joined-at-the-hip pair. “You probably have seperate bank accounts,” explains Hargrave. “And you don't need to consult the other before purchasing a big-ticket item like a car or a computer.” Not that there's anything wrong with that. In fact, this snoozing style illustrates a definite bond, but it's looser, since you both like it that way. “Even if you are just touching bums, you've still got that intimate body contact that we see in married couples that get along really well,” adds Pease.

5.THE REGAL POSE
He sprawls kinglike while you cosy up to him. Or you're the duvet diva, facing the ceiling while he sidles up. “Stretching out on your back, especially with one or both hands behind your head, is a typically dominant position,” says Pease. That doesn't mean your man is lording it over you. He may just be feeling cocky about how he's doing in his fantasy-football league. If you're the nuzzling spouse, you're after attention – and may not be getting it outside the bedroom, so plan a date night. One caveat: If this is only an occasional pose, you two could be role-playing, a sign you're a flirty pair. Sometimes a dominant woman will curl up, while her spouse is on his back, to help him feel more macho.

6.THE CUTIE HUG
You fall asleep in a frontal embrace. That could mean only one thing: You're reading this on your honeymoon, you lucky girl! “We call this the newlywed hug, because it's common early in a relationship, when you're desperate for each other,” says Hargrave. Yet this night-time position isn't common in couples after nine months of sleeping together, because facing and hugging restricts blood flow to your arms, says Pease. He adds with a laugh, “It usually stops around the time you show your true selves when he clips his toenails in bed.” If you have been together for years and stay asleep in a bear hug, you're among the most romantic couples. Who are we to rouse you from that happy place?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

so a little research was done after after watching "lovers for 6 years" over youtube.

total of 12 parts.

human chemistry is interesting, isn't it?

it even brings about while you're asleep unknowingly.

2010-01-01T20:30:00.000+08:00

because i love you.

In “Lovers of Six Years,” Da-jin Lee (Ha-Neul Kim) and Jae-yeong Kim (Gye-sang Yun) find themselves in the too comfortable position of being lovers for six years. Although Da-jin and Jae-yeong live in separate apartments, their apartments sit by side by side. They spend their nights together, while only their work lives provides any degree of separation.

Da-jin works as an editor at publishing company and her boyfriend Jae-yeong works as a producer for a home shopping channel. Da-jin must recruit talented illustrator Jin-seong (Seong-rok Shin) for her next book project and in the process arouses his interest in her as a woman. Meanwhile, Jae-yeong meets a spunky part timer in the elevator at his work place. She already knows his name and seems intent on knowing even more about him. Can their relationship survive these tempting outside forces?

What “Lovers of Six Years” does well is to depict problems that occur in personal relationships involving co-habitation without the commitment of marriage. Primarily, the positives of each other’s character becomes taken for granted, while the flaws of each other’s character becomes magnified.

The film also features two engaging performers able to bring their characters to life. Ha-neul Kim seems to be a natural in the film’s more comedic moments and able to bring a sense of dignity during the film’s more dramatic moments. Co-star Gye-sang Yun (former member of K-pop group G.O.D.), had the more flawed character of the two (e.g. troublemaker), but he was able to make the audience remember the character’s stronger points more so.

The following are the trailer and the soundtrack.

2010-01-01T11:09:00.004+08:00

新的一年, 新的力量, 同样的目标与希望

Finished and cleared up pretty much of the paper work and replying of email on the 1st day of new year. Anyway it's a lazy day for everyone after countdown. Lazing in medical centre in an empty camp is pretty much the same.

Planned forecast for January 2010 didn't have much changes to my surprise, or rather I do not see any major movement. Good job done before I left for my leave back then.

Let's probably anticipate some upcoming events in my life for 2010:

- Overseas attachment/posting?
- Possibility of promotion to 2nd SGT due to the appointment I'm holding?
- Back to some tuitioning for some molding of the future of our nation and fulfillment?
- ORD Offs
- ORD
- Investment turn over?
- Overseas backpacking?
- Business running?
- University admission (local/overseas)?

So as I was on the i-net, I saw my man loading 周杰倫 - 簡單愛

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

我们都曾经寂寞而给对方承诺
我们都因为折磨而厌倦了生活

我把自己带回从前
从朋友到情人也有7年
我因该很相信在这7年所与你共处的一切
那些所建立在一起的共同嗜好与信任

已经过了第一个100 天
心里还是很有感觉
但怎么好像当初那样
连话都说不出口

有人说从小相爱的感觉是最真实
也是最单纯

也许就这样有人还是
白头到老

否能够再爱一次
我会爱的自由

不管这条路多漫长
有多远
我都会在路口等
陪你走, 不让你寂寞

时间过了这么久
我才学会

或许安静是
我给你最好的温柔

不是我不能没有你
而是我真的爱你

我只想要好好的爱一个人

爱一个能与我走过岁月的人

现在的你呢？

真的快乐吗？

笑我傻
但我相信一份真正的爱情就够了

祝大家新年快了
在新的一年里能够找回在2009年所失去的
有一个完美人生！

加油！

2009-12-28T00:41:00.007+08:00

心墙

2009-12-06T14:26:00.000+08:00

Beyonce: Ava Maria

She was lost in so many different ways
Out in the darkness with no guide
I know the cost of a losing hand
But there by the grace of God go I

I found heaven on earth
You were my last, my first
And then here this voice inside
Ave maria

I’ve been alone
When i’m surrounded by friends
How could the silence be so loud
But i still go on knowing that i’ve got you
There’s us when the lights go down

You are my heaven on earth
You are my hunger, my thirst
I always hear this voice inside
Singing ave maria

Sometimes love can come and pass you by
While your busy making plans
Suddenly hit you and then you realize
It’s out of your hands, baby you got to understand

You are my heaven on earth
You are my last, my first
And then i hear this voice inside
Ave maria
Ave maria
Ave maria

2009-12-01T23:00:00.000+08:00

let's keep up some excitements.

hope it'll all turn out good! x)

2009-12-01T04:00:00.002+08:00

thanks L for your comment in my previous post.

appreciate it.

no worries. i'm moving well. =]

2009-11-22T23:30:00.000+08:00

sometimes.

sometimes it feels that whatever that was built was torn apart

life doesn't seem to be as beautiful as it was

building starts from scratch.

sometimes we only remember what's not done

we didn't cherish nor chose remember what has been done for us

it's our choice

a choice to be crude or don't, yet we find no reason in doing so

humanity.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

perhaps after all, you couldn't treat me as a friend

because a friend isn't treated that way

and i know you're trying hard

because you left yourself with unresolved feelings

unspoken.

as for me, i'm done.

the one i love has gone with time

today is the day i've stopped loving you

because you're no longer the one i love

i hope you find yourself

someday i would love to love the one i use to know once again

i appreciate friends whom had been by my side all these while, hearing me.

thanks alot.

i understand that it can it quite irritating because i took a really long time, because i was left hanging.

太爱了
所以我..

我放手我让座
谁懂我多么不舍得..

-the end-

就让一切重新开始..

2009-11-22T12:11:00.003+08:00

denial & change.

people change. because of pain/stress/hurt/environment they change.

reality force changes

change us

they forgot themselves

they start to live in denial

they start to deny their needs

then we start lying to ourselves

and everyone around us

they stopped communicating with their heart

losing humanity to ourselves

they forgot how they use to be

they forgot what they wanted

they do not understand r/s

nor do they bother to find out and understand

everyone start losing track

they start living virtually in reality

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

people do not appreciate your honesty

even the ones you love

values, beliefs which i had faith in

are against what i observed

somethings can never be replace no matter how hard you try to

hope they stop smoking

god bless you with good health

read some of the posts in 2007.

everything seems so beautiful back then.

2009-11-19T22:10:00.002+08:00

雨天

现在窗外面又开始下着雨
太多的情绪没适当的表情..

2009-11-18T01:10:00.001+08:00

mess.

complex. mixed.

all inside.

so much to do, yet i do not know why i've got this feeling of...

life's full of choices.

yet, there's no right or wrong.

follow your heart or use your brains?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

realized the growth of 3 white hair today. managed to pluck one.

and i think there's more. =.=

when will this growth stop?

am i thinking too much?

Xiao Jing Teng's version of Xing Bu Liao Qing really sing out the mood of the lyrics compared to the old version. At least that's how I feel.

night.

2009-11-16T21:30:00.000+08:00

cold monday.

the day makes me feel so lethargic. so i spent abt 1.5 hrs in total today in 2 banks. it was a long queue... waste of my time.

carrying stacks of cash in bag was my 1st time, huge amount that i didn't imagine. it shall not happen again. better try to link up all my i-banking stuff. so, don't hope to rob me. =.=

settled the transactions and some paper work.

seems like things are kicking up with a good start.

hope to settle all the necessary, before i leave.

good night.

2009-11-15T16:00:00.001+08:00

great Saturday night!

alright, i guess my post yesterday was a dumb one. perhaps just for that moment, i was feeling it this way. or perhaps, Friday night wasn't so enjoyable.

Had a good time at Wala Wala yesterday after attending SH's birthday at NSRCC. Cabbing is the way to go man. LOL. save time, less troubles. after some networking session with a taxi uncle who drove Mercedes, we exchanged numbers. he's probably gonna be my personal chauffeur for times when i need a cab, at no extra charges. how great is that?

feels good to meet up people whom i've not seen for a long time, most of them are my course mates. had a little catch up with my classmates as well.

there after i was really lucky to catch a cab inside NSRCC without the need to walk out or call a cab.

Rush to Tanah Merah MRT to pick J up, but had to change cab as uncle can't head to the west.

Holland V is just UP at night.

the place was so packed! that you probably can't imagine for a pub to be? but the cosiness of people brought out the whole atmosphere. and ambiance was great!

it feels like old school. like those western movie, where the college boys and girls would be hanging out in their mess, and having a mini concert.

the songs played were not very well known, as the genre was towards UK/US pop. probably to hype up a Saturday night.

surely, you'll be very much impress with the band, the singer cum guitarist, drummer, violinist, organist. i would say it's much better than Hard Rock, though the songs and food at Hard Rock would probably be much more enjoyable.

you could catch the band at balaclava as well. but i guess wala wala is a much cheaper place to chill compared to balaclava.

shall try next time on Friday, with a different band.

so at the last segment, many decided to make dedications.

and so did i.

starlight, always be my baby and viva la vida were very well played compared to my experience at Acid Bar. probably because of the presence of drums & organs.

this time, i would say they have nice fried chicken wings!

so with some sapporro, corona, fries, chicken wings & the band, it's just GOOD.

my phone contacts now are filled restaurants/pubs/bars/cafe and not forgetting my personal chauffeur!

coming weeks are kinda queued with programs. hmm..

i guess i should seriously stop liquors! esp. scotch whiskey. =.=

and perhaps more pubbing sessions. =]

*yawnz*

a day to "nua" at home after all the late nights the past few days.

2009-11-14T12:00:00.000+08:00

蕭敬騰：新不了情

2009-11-14T05:00:00.001+08:00

for the day

he is expressing his anger & his feelings. the following isn't meant to hurt/offend anybody.

when you know, whatever that were said were lies & excuses.

when you know that no matter how hard you tried, people doesn't reciprocate.

when people do not respect you much less a being.

because an animal doesn't even wait for more than 24 hours for his food, much less a friend.

be it excuses, they are as good as lies.

you've got your pride, it doesn't need to be stepped on.

you don't deserve it because everyone tells you that "you did your best and you've done your part".

because ALEX LEE is never dumb, he is equipped with relevant knowledge, and a little smartness you never know for those who knows me for "god-mind-you" years.

my research & IT/web skills are never very lousy. my cross referencing of sources i have are never as shit as well.

and so, i'm not saying i'm a professional here.

Never lie or give any form of excuses with your eyes WIDE OPEN.

and so i seek forgiveness, and you kind understanding of how i am probably feeling.

thanks.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

perhaps only when near death, people then realize their hidden love and affection.

what's humanity? when are you going to start living?

it's time.

if that's happiness to you, carry on.

i'm not your game.

2009-11-13T20:00:00.002+08:00

fulfillment.

had a good time out with the NSmen the past few days. seriously expanding my network and checking out the market trend.

i would say it's a satisfying week.

did a number of dressings out in the field. from as small as blisters, massive bites, deep cut on the tibia area (bleeding profusely =.=), and abrasions on back. you can never imagine how disgusted an abrasion back would look like. i'm seriously satisfied with the dressings i did, and i could feel the appreciation i received from the older adults.

probably that's the reason why i am good at wrapping up presents?

heard many stories shared by the NSmen as well. perhaps it's due to the generation gap? or perhaps i've yet to reach the age of 27.

some had partners 3-4 years, and they ain't have any intentions for marriage. one feel bored and on the verge of making this decision to break. some had partners, married, yet they play like nobody's business behind back doors. and it's quite surprising, because they really look superb decent. my initial conversations with them never seem to test out any form of indecency. =.=

because we reached contentment and we're looking for more? forgotten love?

perhaps real love doesn't exist Alex, or in this reality? where you really do hope that the one you held your hands with, would be the one who you would walk till the end with you.

and perhaps, honesty doesn't matter to people. do they? or should i say people no longer has conscience?

they lie. they lie because their mind say so and worse of all, they lie to themselves.

people are living in denial for decisions they made in life. many a times, these decisions ain't what their heart are telling them. they were all made because their mind say so; forced by the change in reality of our changing life.

we're not connecting to our heart, are we?

EL told me this today:

beauty lies in the imperfections.

so i continued and said so we need to embrace the imperfections.

i embraced totally.

but how many people could embrace the other's party imperfection easily, in order to live together?

it's difficult, it's tough.

alright, Davidoff's Hot Water for tonight!

2009-11-08T20:25:00.004+08:00

復刻回憶

你还好吗好久不见又来这里这个老店
后来的你喜欢了谁我们聊聊天
现在的你一样美丽至於爱情是个回忆
她不爱我他离开你爱会来就会去

在不同的城市努力偶尔也会想想你
这样的我那样的你要很久才相聚
我们都没说那遥远的曾经我们也没提故事的原因
青春的复刻回忆像一片云没法子抓在手里
我们的眼泪在复习着过去我们的微笑是彼此的氧气
复刻的回忆是封挂号信多远都可以找到你

窗外的树爱哭的风烦恼的我聪明的你
爱是什么什么人懂所以别难过
心还痛吗请忘了吧所谓幸福是个童话
后来的我一切随意所以没关系

在不同的城市努力偶尔也会想想你
这样的我那样的你要很久才相聚
我们都没说那遥远的曾经我们也没提故事的原因
青春的复刻回忆像一片云没法子抓在手里
我们的眼泪在复习着过去我们的微笑是彼此的氧气
复刻的回忆是封挂号信多远都可以找到你

午后的闷热的窗外的一场大雨让我们看见了以前的自己
把时光倒转回那一季那年的梦他乡的你

2009-11-08T12:47:00.006+08:00

chill max-ed: wonderful saturday!

watched my sister's keeper with G.

& she teared.

not as touching as i expected, or maybe i'm not connecting enough?

or maybe i've gotten rid of emotions?

i was on the verge which gives me the sian feeling.

acid bar was good. a total of 3 different band played through the night.

my dedication that was made, was played as well. like FINALLY. =]

previously when i go to bars, my dedications were never successfully made.

perhaps this time i didn't chose an old school song.

this was the first time i could sit in a bar for so long.

they've got nice wedges!

G & I just sat there, appreciating musics/wedges/beers, talk cock.

& we ended up a little drunk.

nice place to really chill.

i should seriously STOP drinking & spurging tentatively at least for the next 2 weeks. =.=

Alex needs to be a little more discipline.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

i'm in an endangering case.

i've a total of 6 white hair. plucked 3.

i've been pucking white hair weekly. everyday i'll spot at least 2.

it's growing more than i expected compared to when i was studying my 'O' levels and during my poly days.

i think soon enough, my hair will all turn white.

haiss.

2009-11-06T17:42:00.002+08:00

Nice Quotes.

Someone asked me, "Why do you keep loving someone who doesn't love you back? There are tons of fish in the water." I simply replied, "Just because it's also water, would you drink from the sea?"

"No matter how crazy and funny the scenes around you are, they are useless without the person you want to laugh with.."

Alright, i'm out!

2009-11-05T23:12:00.003+08:00

haha.

everyone tells me, "i believe you'll find a better one".

yes. surely, i will or maybe the future would be her again?

but no doubt she was or has always been great too.

just because you truly love, it doesn't mean you have to forget or hate.

remember the little and many things she has done for you, and the many things you have done all together as well.

you chose only the good things.

simple. =]

2009-11-05T22:00:00.000+08:00

complete.

cold soup. =.=

browsed through HK cafe, then moved on to coffee club.

ended up at manhattan.

took my time to enjoy the food. =]

i guess this weekend is packed with dates & programmes.

looks good.

at the same time i couldn't seem to stop myself from spurging on the various things and i just kept cabbing like free. arghhz.

money will be rollin' in, no failures. =]

aahhh. good week.

next week gotta be busy, but should be fun.

nice bag. love it.

waiting for my new collection of perfumes from mum!

having GA's attitude, ferragamo & ck's euphoria.

my daviddoff's hot water, givenchy pi neo and ck's gold summer are incoming.

simply obsessed with perfumes now.

next would be my ray ban sunglasses for my trips? AX's jocky cap?

upcoming holidays are all well planned.

some anticipation ahead..! =]

2009-11-04T23:10:00.002+08:00

82: 心跳

你的眼神充满美丽带走我的心跳

你的温柔如此靠近带走我的心跳

好想要回到我们的原点..

2009-11-03T23:05:00.002+08:00

blue blue, gloomy gloomy. not so good day, but evening onwards it gets better.

probably it's the weather.

& i guess for most people.

at least for the next 1 week if i am home, i'll be enjoying some form of peace.

sweet.

sian.

i don't wanna work lah. =.=

perhaps most of the time, what we portray is what we think we feel. but we don't really feel that way, do we?

but i know, as for my blog. it's about how i feel and not what i think i feel. perhaps verbally, people would be taking in "what i think" rationally, and may not be what i feel.

your thoughts & emotions just goes the opposite.

afterall, your reactions will display your subconscious thoughts unknowingly.

night night night everybody.